Divorce is never as simple as "You go one way, I go another." More often things can get sort of tricky as you and your spouse untangle yourselves from each other. But what about the kids? For one mom who wrote in to the parenting forumĀ Mumsnet, not only was her recent separation a chance for her to change her last name and start over, but she was also starting to wonder if she could make a clean break for her 1-year-old daughter. She asked other parents on the site if they thought she could change her daughter's last name to hers, seeing as how the dad is pretty much out of the picture. "I don't see why I have to lose our family name connection because I married the wrong man," she reasoned.
The drama started when user BeanJen wrote in that after her recent separation, she was wondering if she should make a clean break for her daughter.
And although the mom might have had good reason for writing in to the forum, not everyone agreed that a name change was necessary. Some people argued that BeanJen should let her daughter keep her father's last name, whereas others brainstormed the right way for the mom to make the change.
Some parents told BeanJen that they thought changing her daughter's last name was completely unnecessary.
One mom told BeanJen that no matter what her relationship status is with her husband, her daughter's name should stay the same.
And another user even went as far as to suggest that BeanJen should keep her married name.
Someone else wondered if BeanJen could hold tight until her daughter is in school. "You would be in a stronger position to get the name changed."
But many other parents agreed that if BeanJen's husband wants nothing to do with his child, she has every right to move on.
"It's not like she's used to having his surname," one mom reasoned.
"If he doesn't want to be a dad, then will he really give a s**t what her name is?" asked another.
And this mom voted for a "double-barrelled" (hyphenated) name.
One of the biggest obstacles that BeanJen could face is whether she would need her soon-to-be ex-husband's permission to make the switch. According toĀ US law, a mother can change her child's surname if she is granted permission by the court. She must also serve the father with a copy of her petition or motion to the court, and after the father receives this motion, the law gives him the right to object.
Additionally, things such as a child's relationship with the father or if the mom can make a convincingĀ argument that the name change would improve the child's life for the better can also impact the court's decision. So it looks like for now, BeanJen's best move is start the conversation early with her ex and try to build up a good case!
