We've all been there: It's a school day and our child is feeling under the weather. Do we take the sick day from work and keep them home or take our chances and send them to school? This has always been a balancing act, especially for working moms, but COVID made it all too clear how both how easy it is to spread germs and how quickly all those missed school days can add up. As we gear up for another back to school season, we're reminded of a mom from Arizona named Courtney Hayes who had an important message for parents this cold and flu season: When kids get be sick, it's best to do what you can to keep the child home instead of spreading germs at day care, school, or the playground.
After all, there are people, including other children, whose immune systems struggle to fight off viruses and would have a better shot at staying healthy if those in their community kept sick kiddos at home. Hayes shared in a post on Facebook that her son Jude was one such kid, and her story is a good reminder to all of us to do our part to keep the most vulnerable members of our society safe.
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Jude was born with a heart defect called truncus arteriosus as well as 22q.11 deletion syndrome, a genetic disorder.
For these reasons, Jude's immune system, as well as his heart, are compromised, so coming down with even a common cold could be fatal.
"We do all we can to build his immunity up," Hayes shared in her post. "Antibody shots, isolation during cold and flu season, masks when the rest of the house is sick, no shoes in the house, nonstop hand washing and clothes changing, essential oils, vitamins, and a million sanitizing wipes a week. We do our best to protect him; it is not anyone else’s job but our own (although we are so appreciative of how considerate our family and friends are). That being said, we are in the middle of an absolutely brutal cold at the moment. We had one cold and were better for a few days and then another one hit us; this one has been relentless. And I blame myself."
Hayes says that before cold and flu season starts, she wants to get Jude out of the house to let him live his life and socialize and have fun.
"We thought taking him to the children’s museum would be so fun for him," she shared. "He could explore, be around other children, expand his mind, laugh, play, grow. We were those crazy parents washing his hands every five minutes, wiping down everything he touched, not letting him get too close to other children. That’s when she walked up. A darling little girl who wanted to play with Jude.
"My heart melted as he looked up and smiled at her. In that moment, she let out the wettest, most mucous-y sounding cough right in his face," she continued. "I was horrified. Josh and I made eye contact and tried to discreetly pick him up and remove him from this sick child’s presence without offending the parents. Two days later, he woke up with that same horrible cough."
She acknowledged that it's possible her son didn't get sick from the little girl, but while she was holding her son "as he screams, chokes, coughs and vomits up mucous all night long," all she could think about was the girl and "wonder why her parents chose to take her out when she was clearly ill. I regret sacrificing Jude's health for a few hours of fun, but doesn’t he deserve fun? Doesn't every child deserve fun?"
Hayes acknowledges that parents face many challenges when it comes to staying home with their sick kiddos.
"I get that you can’t stay inside forever with a sick child. Working parents may have to still take their child to daycare, grocery shopping must be done, doctor appointments must be attended," she wrote. "But the optional activities? The ones that CAN be avoided? The pool, the museum, the park, the therapies, the aquarium, the restaurants…I do feel those can be sacrificed for a few more days. It’s not like you will never be able to go again. Just wait a few more days and enjoy these things with a healthy child."
She continued, stating that she realizes "germs are unavoidable and kids get sick … sicknesses are normal," but she simply wants other parents to know that "no cold is 'just a cold' for a medically complex child."
She hopes parents will consider waiting out a cold before taking their child out in public for an optional activity.
"Maybe you will protect a medically complex child that has been through hell and back and just wants to see the world," she shared. "Just wait…wait until the cold is over. I beg of you."
Hayes clarified that she's not looking to shame or blame anyone; she's merely hoping to raise awareness.
"I am not blaming anyone … but I’m trying to spread awareness for my son and all of my son’s dear friends who are fighting to live just as hard as he is," she wrote. "Wait a few more days. The museum isn't going anywhere. I promise you, all of us with special fighters will be on our hands and knees thanking you for being so considerate. There is no way we can protect our children from everything, but the littlest decisions can make all the difference in the world. It truly could save a life."
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The response to Hayes' post has been hugely positive, with parents cheering on her message and thanking her for bringing their attention to the oh-so-important matter.
Fingers crossed Hayes' crucial, emotional message is one that will spread like wildfire, for the sake of Jude and other immunocompromised children who are equally incredible fighters.
