Just because you love your friends, it does NOT mean you'll love their kids. Sometimes even the best people can raise little ones who are, honestly, sort of the worst. Take it from one mom, who has a longtime friend who is also a mother, but she can't stand her kids because they're mean to her son and other children. The problem has been getting too bad to ignore, and now that her son has a birthday party coming up, she really doesn't want her friend's kids to come. But she knows if she doesn't invite them to the party, it will most likely ruin her friendship with mom.
As the mom explained it, one of her close friends from college has three boys who are "very violent and mean."
In a post that has since been removed from Reddit, the mom shared some past instances of when her friend's kids were acting wildly out-of-hand. "Last year, her oldest son kicked my other friend's daughter (much younger than him) in the face on purpose. Many people saw," the mom wrote.
And at another party last year, her friend's 8-year-old son announced that he had to pee and then straight-up pulled down his pants and took a whiz in the bounce house. The worst part? Well the mom doesn't feel that her friend took responsibility for her child's actions and other parents had to chaperone the bounce house for the rest of the day. "All of the kids were taking turns going down the bounce house slide, but her children took every opportunity to push and shove to get to the front ruining the harmony of the afternoon," she added.
Things are getting difficult because mom is planning her son's birthday party and she really, really doesn't want to invite these little monsters -- but she still loves their mother.
She added that in the past, her friend's kids destroyed her son's treehouse — which would be a heartbreaking offense for any kid and would be understandably annoying for his parents. But now the problem is what to do about them for her son's upcoming birthday party. "I don’t want them at our house anymore," she wrote. "Our other son's birthday is next month and I truly don’t want to invite them."
But of course, not inviting her friend's kids would be disastrous for her friendship. "If I don’t invite them, my friend will know why (many people have broken off contact with her for this) and it will destroy our friendship."
Is it okay not to invite them? she asked.
Many people felt like this mom was completely valid for not wanting these rugrats to ruin her son's big day.
If her friend isn't going to keep her kids in check, then it is really unfair for the mom to have to watch them like a hawk instead of enjoying her son's party.
One person added that mom shouldn't feel bad because her friend is "actively slacking."
"Be prepared to have your friendship halted because your soon-to-be ex friend is convinced she's a victim," another person commented. "Maybe try sitting down with her and spelling it out and see if she can make a concrete plan to fix things. Maybe she's exhausted and lost control of her parenting along the way. If that bothers her, well she was going to cut you off anyway when you didn't invite her to the party," the person added.
And a third person felt that the mom's friend would be the one who was in the wrong should this halt their friendship. "She’s wrong for allowing her children’s behavior to ruin your friendship," the person commented. "Friendship is about respect and understanding each other and if she doesn’t realize that her neglect is disrespectful and she doesn’t understand how you feel then it doesn’t sound like there is much of a friendship there anymore."
Later in the thread, the mom explained that "It would be basically impossible to have it without her kids there because she doesn’t do anything without them." In fact, her friend even homeschools her kids and "nobody will babysit them not even their own family members."
The mom added that she really believes her friend is "too tired to work on it. She feels like bringing them to a party is a 'break' from them. I feel really sorry for her cause she is with them literally every second of her life and she just seems like she has given up."
Some people thought that the only way this mom could be to blame is if she continues to allow her children to be subjected to those mean kids.
They argued that the mom had a responsibility to her kids to keep them protected, even if it means she needs to hurt a friend's feelings in the process.
Many people reasoned that the mom was only allowing her kids to be subjected to "bullying and destructive" behavior if she invited them.
And another person agreed: "I think if you continue to let this woman be in your life, friend or not, then YTA. She had three kids who are violent, gross, and destroy your child's events," they wrote.
"You are their mother. Your friendships do not matter over the sanctity of their mental and physical health," the person added. "They should not have to worry about events being destroyed because you don't want to be honest. What lesson does that teach your children. You don't invite them."
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