It seems like common sense that if you're going to throw your child a birthday party and invite the majority of their class, you should extend the invitation to everyone. But apparently not everyone got the memo and don't mind singling out a child. That's why one frustrated mom is heartbroken — her boy with autism keeps getting excluded from parties and his teacher is making it worse. According to the mom, her boy's teacher will pass out party invitations at the end of the day and her child has recently caught on that he's always the only one without a card in the pile.
The mom wrote that even though she knows her son has had behavioral issues, he's worked to overcome them and form friendships.
In a post written on Mumsnet, the mom explained that in the past her son had a problem with pushing other kids when he gets panicked. "I understand that some children might be wary of him," she wrote.
But since he started reception (equivalent of pre-k in the United States), he "has not been invited to a single party." The mom wrote that she understood not wanting a child who pushes at your party, but what really hurt her is that the teacher will often give out the invites at the end of the day and then have no card waiting for her son. "He has started to question why he doesn't get a 'card,'" she continued. "It all feels so bloody thoughtless and cruel."
Later in the thread the mom added how she knew her son hadn't been invited to a recent party and it broke her heart. "A Teacher's Assistant was retrieving an item of his clothing which was wet. It took ages," she wrote. "So I got to wait at the door and watch every other child get an invite."
The mom added that she doesn't think the teacher should get involved with party invitations unless the whole class is invited. "Or maybe I should just suck it up and reconcile myself to the fact that for my son and I that this is the way of the world," she wrote.
Other parents online were horrified that her son's teacher would participate in excluding one of her students.
"I have never heard of teachers giving out party invitations," one person commented. "I don’t think they should get involved in social events. If I was a teacher I would refuse — parent should negotiate this awkward minefield alone."
And another person agreed. "That's really cruel. I really feel for both you and your dear son. They should be popped into book bags if teachers are giving them out."
Someone else was angry on the mom's behalf. "I’m sorry that you and your son have to deal with this," the user commented. "I would say something to the school it’s extremely unfair that he is the only one been excluded."
But some people thought the mom needed to suck it up and realize this was her son's reality.
One person blamed the mom's son for his lack of party plans. "Maybe he has pushed the little boy one too many times where his mom is crying and upset about her son being bullied," the person wrote.
And another mom who has a child on the spectrum empathized with the mom's problem. "I feel your pain, my DS1 experiences similar. Only invites from our friends despite him inviting the whole class every year," she wrote. "I'm afraid, it kinda goes with the territory. It totally sucks though."
Someone else wrote that "Not everyone can have a whole class party though" but admitted that this teacher lacked tack. "Better for teachers just to pop them into book bags quietly than that public distribution."
In the end, the mom thanked the other parents for their replies. "I have been reluctant to say anything to the class teacher as it is me not my Dear Son who is upset by this," she wrote. "He doesn’t understand that the cards are invitations. I am embarrassed at how much this is upsetting me. I thought it could be due to being pregnant."
