"What can I do?"
This is the biggest question new moms often hear from friends, family, and coworkers after giving birth. And while new moms are grateful for the support, they're also often too exhausted, overwhelmed, and sometimes embarrassed to answer the question as honestly as they'd like. "You can give me like two hours of sleep?" they might think. "Like β¦ just two hours, please?"
We asked moms from around the country to tell us what they found to be especially helpful and loving in the first weeks and months after they had just given birth β as well as what they wished friends and family members had offered them that they felt too embarrassed to ask for themselves. (And hey, celebrities can get real about this trying time in a new mom's life, too).
"When you're a new mom, what you don't have basically any of this 'time' and 'hands,'" says Florida mom Sandy P. "You have zero time to do all of the basic stuff around the house like cooking and cleaning β including taking a shower β and you have zero hands to do those things with. Becoming a mom is the most amazing, magical thingΒ that ever happened to me, but it's also the busiest and most insane time I've ever had in my life."Β
So how can we give our friends with new babies both time and hands? Well, by offering ours β or depending on how close we are with the new mom, another option may be purchasing a gift card for a service she desperately needs. And instead of offering something like this to her, just send it over.
"I felt the most felt guilty saying 'yes,' and being honest about what I needed to friends who were genuinely asking what they could do," says Louisiana mom Charlotte P. "I know that sounds insane. But friends who offered something specific β and said it a little forcefully, like, 'I'd like to do this for you,' rather than 'Can I do this for you?' really set me at ease."
Also, before visiting the new baby, go ahead and check out someΒ rules for visiting a newbornΒ β the new mama will be so grateful.Β
Offer to Hit the Grocery Store
"I'm going to the store, what can I pick up for you?" may be the sweetest words in the English language to a new mom. Note the phrasing here: It's not, "Would you like anything?" or even, "May I get anything for you?" It's really freeing for a new mom to hear the assumption that something is definitely wanted.
Walk the Dog or Pay a Dog Walker
"If you have dogs and have had a baby, you know the amount of guilt you feel about how much less attention your sweet best friend is getting," North Carolina mom Sophie H. says. "It's so painful. So someone offering to walk the dog (or giving you a gift certificate for it) is amazing."
Offer to Write Her 'Thank-You' Notes for Her
A lot of moms receive a ton of extremely sweet goodwill, presents, and favors when their kids is born β and then feel mounds of guilt for not responding with a polite thank-you. One amazing favor: Offer to come over and hang out, then write her pile of thank-you notes for her.
Drop Off a Frozen Casserole
"Our favorite meal was just a nice casserole that could go from the freezer directly to the oven," says Sophie H. "And it was triple extra bonus points if it's dropped off in a dish that doesn't need to be washed and returned."
Come Over to Just Watch the Baby
"I cannot tell you how important it was for me to have a friend come over to just hold the baby while I took a shower β and once even got in a quick nap," says Sandy P. "It was genuinely lifesaving."
Help With the Laundry
This is only a good one for people who are close with the mom in question β but it's an amazing offer to do a service that every mom absolutely needs done (and has absolutely zero time to do).
Bring Over Brunch & Hang Out
"Part of what was hard about the first few months was the feeling of isolation," says Texas mom Shawndra G. "A couple we were close with came over in the late morning, brought over a bunch of premade brunch dishes, mimosas for those drinking, and faux-mosas for me, and then stayed and did the dishes after. It was so nice to feel like I had my life back a bit!"
Help With Cleaning or a Gift Card to a Cleaning Service
For folks who are super close with the family, help with cleaning the kitchen or bathroom is an incredibly kind offer that moms should feel good about saying yes to. For anyone who's less close, sending over a gift card to a cleaning service is amazing.
Clear It the Day Before, Then Drop Off a Full Meal
"Something really nice that many people did for us was bring over a whole meal, like with a main dish, salad, bread, and even drinks," says Washington mom Jill G. "If we had been on our own, there would have been no veggies. There would have just been meal after meal of pasta with jarred sauce."
Send a Note of Encouragement
"A book of notes from my friends and family from my baby shower helped me through some tough moments," says Charlotte P.
Galen H. agrees. "Even just a text message is helpful. I wanted to print out and frame one that said, 'You've got this. And you know what? It's so OK when you don't got this.'"
Give the Baby Shusher Soother
"It calms them down when they're freaking out and puts them to sleep," Sophie H. says. "Technically you can just get the an app on your phone, but then you have to leave your phone next to your baby's head while they're napping."
Baby Shusher Soother at Target, $35
Gift Baby Kimono-Style Bodysuit Onesies
"There's this kimono onesie that someone got us that were so much easier to get over his head than the ones we had at first," says Sandy P. "They're amazing."
Cloud Island Side Snap Long Sleeve Basic Bodysuits, $10 for 3 at Target
Bring Soup
"One friend brought a huge batch of a Tuscan bean and kale soup, packed with delicious, healthy stuff like kale and sweet potatoes," says California mom Crystal W. "I ate that for a couple of weeks. Soup is great, especially in large quantities."
Send a Food Delivery Service Gift Card
A food delivery service is just basically always a great gift for anyone at any time, but for new moms who have zero chance to cook and don't even want to think about reheating food, a gift card for Seamless, Door Dash, or any other food delivery app is a godsend.
Take the Other Kids Out to a Park
For new moms who have bigger kids, getting to spend a few hours one-on-one bonding with the new baby β while their other little ones get attention and a small treat, like a trip to the park β is an incredible gift.
Invite Her Over for a Low-Expectations Hang
"One afternoon, one of my close girlfriends invited me over to her place for coffee and cake, and told me specifically to bring my baby, but not to bother with washing my hair or showering or whatever," says New York mom Jandra T. "It was incredibly relaxing. I didn't even put on a bra, I don't think. I needed to get out of the house but really didn't have time to take care of myself, and I loved knowing that my friend didn't care about how I looked."
Set Up a Nursing Station
"I would always sit down to nurse and get incredibly thirsty and forget to get myself water," says Jandra. "So one of my besties set up this station for me in our nursery with a 3-gallon water thingy and a basket of granola bars. It was one of the small things that got me through because I would have never taken care of myself otherwise."
Offer to Run Specific Errands
New moms need help with basically everything. Offer to help, but be specific (and let them know they can fill in with their own options, too). But specifically suggesting to pick up the dry cleaning, for instance, can be really helpful β since they're often too overwhelmed to think of what they need.
Offer to Bring an In-House Spa Day
One great way to gift a friend with some self-care and time with someone who speaks in full sentences: Offer to bring over all the things needed for a little spa day. Face masks, foot baths, the works β and of course, hold the baby for as much time as possible, and let her know clean-up isn't on her!
Bring Their Brand of Diapers & Wipes
Ask what kind of diapers and wipes new mom is using, and then specifically make a delivery of those. While new moms are grateful for all the gifts they receive, they always end up with a bunch of leftover frilly clothes, whereas this is a gift she's absolutely going to need the whole way through.
*Psst: if you choose to purchase an item from this post, CafeMom.com may receive a small cut. Each item and price is up to date at the time of publication; however, an item may be sold out or the price may be different at a later date.
