This week in things that are currently breaking the Internet is a Facebook post by Holly Simon, a mom who wanted to share a little relationship wisdom she's recently gleaned. Unfortunately for Simon, the post itself came off a little … well, errr, surprising (to say the least), and she's currently getting ROASTED for her unpopular opinion in the comments section.
The post begins with Simon listing her daily routine, which -- like most moms -- includes cleaning up a house that's in constant disarray. Thanks in part to her husband.
"Everyday I pick up the towel he hangs on our curtain rod & throw it on a hook in the bathroom, put his hair gel back in the bathroom drawer that was 3 in. from where he placed it, close literally every. dresser. drawer, and pick up at least two pairs of his shoes somewhere in the house," she writes. "Religious like."
No, she's not talking about her teenager. She's talking about her husband — her full-grown adult male of a husband, who is apparently unfamiliar with a hamper.
But this post isn't about how annoyed she is at him -- it's how her opinion on his mess has changed from bitterness to appreciation...
"As a younger wife (especially in the baby & toddler zone) this often made me irritated," she continued. "'Don’t I have enough to clean up daily after the kids!' Years ago I actually felt bitterness about it."
Somewhere along the line, though, that bitterness turned to something else. And I'm not talking about full-blown, blinding rage here (though I'm pretty sure that's where it would wind up for most spouses).
No, Simon's "bitterness" eventually turned into acceptance, and eventually, a deep love and appreciation for picking up her husband's crap. How this came to be I honestly cannot begin to fathom, but Simon thinks his discarded things are some little blessings.
"These little things represent his presence in our home," she wrote. "What if they weren’t there each day? What else would be missing from our lives?"
"His laugh, his comfort, his guidance?" she continues. "How many women and children are living that harsh sadness out?"
Hmmm … this sounds like some real Jedi mind trick stuff, and I don't know about you, but I am not buying what she's selling.
Simon isn't done, though.
"The scattered trail of his daily routine means I have a husband who keeps coming home," she continues. "I’m not doing life on my own. I’m not raising my girls by myself. And that is a cause for gratitude, not irritation. If you’re in that mode sister, take a breath, this is a common attitude trap for us. And you’re most likely tired. But remember — it’s not 'your burden' it’s your gift."
Umm ... WHAT?! There's so much to unpack here, I'm not even sure where to get started.
First of all, I don't totally blame this guy for his messy ways. He wouldn't be the first man — or woman — to leave their shoes lying around the house and the bathroom vanity untidy. I myself am Marie Kondo's personal nightmare, so I can't say that I immediately found fault in the guy for his natural disorganization.
What I can't quite wrap my head around though, is something other commenters found themselves wrestling with too: Why in the WORLD would this wife feel it's her duty — I'm sorry, her "gift" — to clean up her husband's crap with a smile on her face? And not even once utter a simple, "FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, WILL YOU PUT YOUR DAMN SHOES AWAY!"
I understand making an effort to appreciate your partner and his or her's existence, but I mean … come on, woman!
As you might imagine, the comments that flowed in were brutal (but also very, very hilarious).
"Blink twice if you need help," wrote one user. "I LOVE MY MANBABY HUSBAND!" joked another.
Others were fired up over what they saw as "lazy" behavior that shouldn't be celebrated.
"So basically you're ok with him being a slob and you acting like his mother," wrote one user. "Gross."
"I'm a widow and this is stupid," wrote another. "You married a lazy child. Just admit that."
At the same time, there were plenty of other commenters who connected with what Simon was saying, and tagged their own husbands in the post.
"I will always be thankful to have your presence at home!" wrote one wife, after tagging her husband.
"I will pick up after my hubby every day with a smile on my face," wrote another. "Blessed to have such a wonderful husband and father to our children."
I'll admit these particular comments gave me pause, because while I'm all for doing whatever works for your relationship, they also beg the question: Isn't part of loving and appreciating your spouse not making them be your own personal maid — and vice-versa?
After all, THIS is what people are talking about when they talk about the invisible work of mothers.
It's the keeping track of multiple schedules</a>; running to the grocery store (and back again, when you inevitably forget something on your list) multiple times a week; the worrying (oh, the worrying); and the picking up after your kids, day in and day out. It's all the behind-the-scenes stuff that it takes to run a household and a family; and even though men are stepping up to the plate more and more, studies still show that "invisible labor" is taking a toll on moms more than ever.
According to research by Oklahoma State University and Arizona State University, at least 70 percent of mothers surveyed felt more responsible for things like routine household tasks, being mindful of their children’s emotional needs, and coordinating their ever-changing schedules.
And that responsibility is exhausting. So if you add in having to pick up after your spouse in addition to your kids, you can see why that would be extra-infuriating to most women.
But whether you agree with Simon or not, it seems to be working for her and her husband. And in the end, I guess that's all that really matters.
In a follow-up post on Facebook, Simon responded to all of the roasters by saying that she and her husband are doing just fine, and that she is "not being held captive by a sloppy, chip-eating House Lord." (LOL.) The true message of her post, she claims, was merely to speak to the many little "annoyances" that she'd one day miss if her husband was no longer around.
"You’re stories of loss, love, memories, and reflection are the real story here," she told her followers. "I’m feeling EVERY. SINGLE. ONE. I’ve sobbed, laughed and BEEN SO IMPACTED."
She ended by sharing one woman's comment, which to her summed up the point she was trying to make:
"My mom always tells the story of when her dad passed. See he always used to leave his hat on the chair and my grandmother would always get irritated and ask him to hang it up. But after he passed she took the hat and placed it on his chair where he always left it, 'cause it made her feel like he was there with her. You never know when your last day with someone will be. Don't sweat the small stuff."
Gah — I'm not crying, YOU ARE!
Alright, even if Simon's original post did read like some kind of Stepford Wife treatise to many, we can't argue this sweet sentiment.
