It's one thing for dad to want to bond with his daughter, but it's different for him to take her to a daddy-daughter dance. Some parents think it's sweet for a dad to take his daughter out for a special night on the town, whereas others think it's a little bit strange. That was the problem one dad faced, after he told his wife he thought the idea was "creepy," but she didn't feel the same. Instead, his wife thought he was depriving his daughter of a sweet family moment and broke down in tears.
Now the dad is left wondering: Daddy-daughter dances — are they weird or are they sweet?
The drama started after the dad spotted a poster for an upcoming daddy-daughter dance and told his wife he thought it was "creepy."
As he explained on Reddit, he saw the ad for the Valentine's Day dance and told his wife he didn't like the idea. "My reasons were this: They are creepy and sexualize the relationship between daughter and father," he wrote. "These dances have their roots [in] purity balls where fathers claim sexual ownership of daughters until marriage," he added. "The whole thing just grosses me out and makes my skin crawl."
That is why the dad said he was against the idea of daddy-daughter dances. "I love my daughter with all my heart, but I don't want to date her."
But his revelation surprisingly broke his wife's heart. To her, those dances were sweet and innocent and she felt he was wrong for dismissing them.
The problem was that the dad assumed his wife would agree with him. He admitted that their daughter is only 2 years old, so this situation is purely hypothetical now. But his wife was ticked. "She lost it. She was shaking and crying," he wrote. "She thinks I would be denying my daughter a special bonding experience. She was worried my daughter would feel so hurt and left out by this."
Now the two are at odds about this issue, and the dad really can't tell if he's right or wrong.
Some people were on the dad's side; these dances are totally creepy.
"[Original Poster], I fully agree with you," one person wrote in the comments. "I live in the south, and these dances/mentalities are pretty prominent and creep me out."
"You are totally correct in that a lot of these D&D dances are rooted in purity balls, which are creepy as (expletive), sexist, misogynistic and focus on treating the daughter like a possession passed from father to husband," another person agreed. "I'd drop this for now; the kid is TWO. Come back a few years later and have a real discussion about it."
And one person thought that the writer's wife had an unusually strong reaction. "That's….weird. You might want to talk and see why she had that reaction," the person commented. "It sounds like a visceral response from her childhood, but it definitely seems a bit extreme."
Later in the thread, the dad wrote that he suspected his wife was upset because she had a strained relationship with her own dad. "My wife's father isn't really involved in her life and hasn't been since she was 3," he wrote. "She sees him a little every few years, but he didn't show up at our wedding or meet our daughter despite invitations to both. No doubt this has something to do with her sensitivity about this issue."
But other people thought daddy-daughter dances are sweet.
One person remarked that some of their favorite childhood memories were making up dances with their dad. "Some of my best childhood memories with my dad were having 'Dance Parties,'" the person wrote. "He taught me to swing dance. We made up moves. Listened to all of the music he liked. When we went to festivals and bands were playing we would swing dance all over the dance floor. It was great."
"Sorry, I disagree," wrote someone else. "I don't think daddy daughter dances are sexualized. So if the daughter wants to go and you say no, YTA. Clearly it's important to your wife too. My husband and daughters go to them… they are hosted by the schools. It's literally cookies, juice, dancing to music (mostly upbeat energetic types), and taking pictures. And yeah you get to dress up."
"I don’t see how dressing up and having a dance with your dad is sexual," another person wrote. "Go ahead and tell your daughter that you don’t want to go out with her, but you’ll reconsider if she proves she wants it enough. That’s weird."
In the end, the dad wrote that he'd go with whatever choice his daughter will make, but he's not happy about it.
Though the dad assured his wife that they had time "to figure this out," he would go with whatever choice his daughter will make. "If she absolutely wanted to go and all her friends were going that I would go as I don't want to upset her, but if we can we should try to avoid it and not encourage it," he wrote.
And agreed that for now it's best to leave the conversation alone. "I haven't brought it up again because it's an argument for a future date. Maybe I'll change my mind by then, I can't be sure."
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