No two heads of hair are ever the same, from style to texture to length. It's part of what gives us all our own unique beauty and, by extension, our own unique hair care routine. As kids, we start to get a feel for what this means when we're young, and as parents, we tend to pass it on to our own as soon as they're old enough to understand. That is, unless your partner becomes the de facto family hairstylist — and you somehow manage to shirk responsibility. That's precisely the scenario one dad on Reddit seems to be in right now, and he's coming under fire for his recent post, which asks if it would be wrong to just pay someone else to do his biracial daughters' hair while his wife is away because he's worried he doesn't know how.
In his anonymous post, the dad said his daughters' hair is usually his wife's domain, but her upcoming work trip has him worried.
The wife, who is African-American, has been handling his 5- and 6-year-olds' hair ever since they were born, he explained. And whenever she hasn't been able to, her mother always stepped in. But her mother has since died, and soon his wife will be away on a three-week trip for work so it's up to him.
"Yesterday night my wife tried to teach me how to handle our daughters' curls," the dad shared on Reddit. "I was initially happy to learn, until I saw how tedious it was. So much hair conditioner was involved and my 5-year-old kept screaming because I was hurting her scalp."
It was at this point that his wife got frustrated with him too, and told him that he was actually damaging their daughter's hair, not helping it.
And that's when he had an idea -- one he thought would help rectify the situation.
"Seeing as how I was causing more harm than good," he continued, "I told my wife that we should hire someone who is experienced in black hair to take care of it while she is away."
But his wife? She saw this as a total cop-out. "She accused me of being lazy and said that I had to be involved with their whole existence," he added.
The dad continued to try to defend himself, though to be honest, he just dug his hole even deeper.
"It might not be hard for her because she has black hair, but I have hair that I can wash with shampoo every day with no repercussions," he wrote. "I also got mad when she said that I wasn't involved with our daughters' 'whole existence' because it felt like she was saying that I was leaving out the black part."
The dad added that he doesn't feel his daughters "have a black part or a white part that's split half and half. They're just who they are and they're biracial."
Ultimately, he just gave up.
"I told my wife in a kind of frustrated way that I am not doing my daughters' hair because I don't want to damage it," he continued, "and my five year old started crying."
And guess what? It didn't go over well.
His frustrated wife ended up finishing their daughter's hair without his help — but now he feels guilty for making his daughter cry. "I have serious doubts about whether I can take care of my daughters' hair for three weeks," he ended his post.
And that's when Reddit began to chime in …
The internet seemed to unanimously agree: This dad needs to get a grip and learn how to do his daughters' hair, ASAP.
Some people tried to empathize with the dad, while still leveling with him.
"It’s hard, I get it. Your wife is going away for three-weeks," one person wrote in the comments.
But still, that was no excuse to duck out of the responsibility.
"Boss it up, rise to the occasion, stop whining and start YouTube-ing different hair tutorials," the commenter continued. "You kind of sound like a bratty little kid, 'it’s too hard, I don’t wanna, I can’t.' Don’t be that guy. Be the rad dad, the awesome husband your wife can count on to boss it up when she’s gone. You got this."
And another commenter chimed in that their parent also had to face a hair-care learning curve when they were a kid. But hey; they got through it.
"I’m biracial, Black & White," the Redditor shared. "I get it. Our hair takes more effort. My mom is white & had to learn how to do my hair with no knowledge of how to handle black hair. She was taught by my dad's sister (who did my dad's hair when he was young & had cornrows). It took time. But you’re a parent too & it shouldn’t be all on your wife to learn how to do your kids freaking hair, & you should’ve taken the initiative to learn earlier because what if your wife isn’t around for whatever reason to do their hair."
Her final verdict? "You’re being lazy," the commenter wrote.
(Oh snap!)
Another person thought this dad was using his kids' racial identity as an excuse.
"Many men don’t know how to do hair before they have children (not just daughters), regardless of their child’s ethnicity," the person wrote. Still, "They learn how to do it."
In other words: He needs to ditches the excuses, now.
"You are indeed ignoring the part of your child’s ethnicity that results in her hair being different than yours — not to mention that throwing your hands up after one try is both immature and not great behavior modeling for your children," the user continued.
Still, there were some people who thought the dad had made some valid points.
"I think the wife is a little bit unreasonable here if she thinks she can show him just the once and expect him to be competent," one user shared. "Hair is hard, and it's the daughter who will suffer. He should have been learning how to do it gradually over the [last] five years (and that's both of their fault)."
Another woman also jumped in to say the mom's expectations were a bit much:
"Black woman here," she wrote. "I think it's unrealistic to expect a man with no experience with Black hair to maintain his daughters hair after one impatient lesson. Black hair takes time, skill and TLC (tender, loving care). Maybe if she would have had him practice before now I could see her point. Take those babies to the hair salon, get cute braids and be done."
"I agree," another person added. "Taking them out to get their hair done by someone experienced for a few weeks seems like a decent compromise to me … I don’t think he should have to do something that’s going to be unpleasant for both him and the children just because he’s the parent. It’s not like skipping this one task makes him less of a Dad."
In the end, the dad admitted that he has a hard time both embracing his daughters' biracial identities and not making them feel different for it.
"I've always been split between not wanting to focus on race, but also being realistic on what being black means to my daughters," he said in a later comment in the thread. "I've really seen their hair as an extension of their race, but I can see how it would hurt my daughters if they relate to their hair in that way."
The well-meaning dad also admitted that perhaps he's just a teensy bit reluctant to take on bigger parenting tasks too.
"I tend to take the easy way of being the 'rad dad' by trying to be fun and stuff," he shared, "whereas it's my wife who has to dispense the discipline and make sure that the house doesn't burn down."
Hmmm …
Well, at least he's admitting it. And it sounds as if now is the perfect time to start flexing those skills. Here's hoping he steps up to the plate, once his wife's business trip is finally underway.
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