Adjusting to a new postpartum body isn't always easy. (And we're not just talking about weight gain and stretch marks — the hormones can really throw you for a loop!) One woman on Reddit was left baffled after visiting a friend who had just given birth and later learning that her svelte appearance caused the new mom to burst into tears.
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In her anonymous Reddit post, the woman says she was psyched to meet her friend's new baby.
Her friend had given birth a week earlier, and the poster couldn't wait to visit the new mama and her little one at their house.
"I brought some little gifts, got some cuddle time with the baby, and chatted with [my friend] Hannah for a few hours before heading home," the woman explained in her post.
But little did she know, she unwittingly broke an unspoken 'dress code.'
The Reddit poster explained that she thought the visit went well until another mutual friend sent her a message and told her that her friend Hannah had been upset by it.
"She had gone to visit Hannah a few hours after me," the woman explained. Apparently, the new mom thought that her friend was "rubbing it in" by wearing a crop top.
"I was wearing a cropped T-shirt and high-waisted leggings (like this) and I was sitting or her sofa the whole time, so there wasn't even any skin visible," the woman explained. "My body type is average so there isn't much to show off either."
Their mutual friend sided with the new mom and told the poster she was insensitive to wear something like that so soon after the friend's delivery.
"I asked [my mutual friend] if [the new mom] was really upset with me and she said that she'd have probably been hurt too," the woman shared. "[Our mutual friend] has a toddler and she told me that wearing a crop top to see your friend that soon after having a baby is insensitive because it can be hard to adjust to your new body."
Apparently, the new mom's husband was also ticked.
"What a [expletive] thing to do/who does that?" he allegedly told the original poster.
Now, she also worries that her "faux pas" is being talked about.
"I know some of our other friends will have visited yesterday and I don't know if the crop top thing came up," the woman continued. "It didn't seem like a big deal to me, but it made Hannah cry so it's obviously a big deal to her."
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Two days after Crop Top-gate, the woman still wasn't sure if she really did anything wrong.
On the one hand, she says she "genuinely didn't think anything of it" when she got dressed to go visit her friend — especially because she has a bunch of cropped T-shirts at home.
"But I also have plenty of tops that are longer too," the woman shared.
On the other hand, she's seen how sensitive her friends have been about their post-baby bodies in the past.
"I remember when one of our other friends celebrated fitting back into her pre-pregnancy jeans and another friend who had her baby just a few months before jeans-friend ran to the toilet to cry," she recalled.
"So I'm wondering if I should have known how sensitive a subject this is for women who have given birth?" she asked. "My friends all know that I'm not interested in having children, so maybe I should be more considerate to the cons of parenthood as I'll never have to deal with them? I really don't know."
Some people thought her friend was being overly sensitive.
"Oh my god, your friends are wild sensitive," one commenter wrote. "Just because they feel insecure about their bodies doesn’t mean they get to dictate what everyone else wears."
Another person actually thought that the mutual friend was the only person truly in the wrong.
"[New Mom] was upset and confided in a friend who just happened to be there while she was upset," the commenter wrote. "[Mutual Friend] then ran around complaining to Original Poster, calling OP insensitive and making it a whole thing. By all accounts New Mom and OP had a nice visit and chatted for several hours. Not sure how New Mom could be seen as the [expletive] here at all."
"That’s just hormones," a third commenter chimed in. "Not worth stressing about."
Still, other people thought the poster was wrong for not dressing more appropriately.
"You should’ve been conscious of your friend’s perspective and feelings," one person wrote. "I know it’s your body and you can dress how you want but holy s—, that’s just common decency."
Another person also had some strong feelings about the situation, writing: "If you were stopping by before or after a workout then I guess it's understandable, but if it's just something you threw on you could have been more sensitive. You know when you wear tight pants and a crop top that it is a little sexier than sweats or a maternity gown. And her husband is there and is going to look at you which, let's be honest, is probably what you wanted.
"You are one of two women in your friend group of six w/ no kids. Maybe that feels good to you that your body isn't trashed by childbirth," the person continued. "If you do have a child, you will see your body is all messed up, and in pain and not only are you overwhelmed taking care of the baby, the thought of your husband ever being attracted to you again or even having sex or intimacy feels like it will never happen again. Then the raging hormones on top of that, lack of sleep, it is rough, please don't come around in your skimpy outfits."
In the end, the woman decided she didn't do anything wrong.
In an update to the post, she later wrote that didn't think she was in the wrong for her crop top ensemble after all.
"Hannah is probably very hormonal and vulnerable and seemingly innocuous things might cause some tears," she wrote. "She’s not the [expletive] either and I haven’t had any negative vibes from her directly. She’s probably too busy with her newborn to be stuck on my cheap Primark T-shirt!"
And yes, the mutual friend probably stirred the pot.
"[She] should have been more tactful in letting me know," the poster wrote. "The hormonal aspect had definitely crossed my mind, but I didn’t want to downplay Hannah’s feelings as 'just hormones' if that makes sense? I’m not going to dwell on it, or talk about it unless she brings it up herself."
But regardless, the poster wrote that she will definitely be "mindful not to wear crop tops around her for a while."
"I have other clothes and it’s not worth upsetting one of my best friends over," she concluded.
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