When you have a child of your own, creating rules and guidelines for your family is an important part of the new role. You have so many decisions to make right from the start, including some life-lasting ones such as choosing a name and your child's digital identity. Social media has become so ingrained in our lives, and many of us document our kids every moment online. We share that first pregnancy photo, details of labor and birth, and fun moments that connect us all.
But that's not for everyone. Other parents choose to be more restrictive on what they share about their children on these social sites. One family made the decision to limit how many photos of their kids are posted online, saying, "we decided as parents that we want our child to be able to create his own online identity when he's old enough to understand the ramifications."
It's their decision to make as parents. Still, one mother-in-law is causing some drama in the family after being cut off from getting baby photos because she won't stop posting those photos online, even though the parents have told her their feelings on the subject.
A mom is looking for advice on the popular Reddit forum AITA, because her mother-in-law isn't respecting their decision.
"About 6 months ago, my husband and I had our first child," she wrote. "He is the squishiest, most wonderful baby, and he is very well-loved and attended to. He is the first grandchild for both sets of our parents, so he's kind of a big deal."
The poster goes on to explain that she and her husband had decided early on that they would limit their son's online presence.
"We explained this to our parents, siblings, and close friends who have regular contact with our baby and have asked them kindly to please not post about our baby on social media either."
The mom wrote that most everyone was OK with their decision and respected their wishes — well, all except for her MIL.
"She asks me and my husband for pictures almost every day, which I'm happy to send her," the mom explained.
She went on to write that "semi-regularly" the MIL "goes and posts the pictures we send her on social media."
"Each time, we ask her to take them down, and each time it turns into some big argument, and my husband winds up getting the brunt of some of her more passive-aggressive behaviors (saying we're ruining the joy of being a grandma for her, not speaking to us for a week at a time, etc.)."
The parents eventually had enough and addressed it directly. According to the poster, the "pattern repeated enough," and she spoke with her MIL.
"I told her that if you're not going to respect our wishes, we won't send you any more pictures." And that didn't go well.
"She blew up at me for 'policing' and 'censoring' her. She's said that we're essentially cutting her off from her grandchild and how dare we. I'm really over how childish she's being," she wrote.
The mom clarified that her only issue is with the photos being posted online, saying she has no problems if the MIL shares the photos privately, such as through text with her friends.
"She's otherwise a loving and devoted grandma, and I would never want to deprive my child of a relationship with her," the mom stated. "But I feel strongly about our social media moratorium, and I don't want to budge on this. AITA?"
The people on the thread didn't shy away from sharing their feelings on this situation, and the poster received a lot of support.
"Grandma is the biggest baby in this narrative. Your reasoning behind not wanting your son posted about on social media is thoughtful," one person agreed. "But it doesn't matter if she likes your rule or not, it's your decision to make, and it is just a matter of course that you're supposed to ask a child's parents for permission before you post pictures of them."
That person suggested the poster cut off the flow of photos. "Go ahead and stop sending her pictures and refuse to argue with her about it. She knows why you're not doing it anymore, and it doesn't require further discussion."
Another person agreed. "That's YOUR baby, and you have the final say in anything that involves him. If your MIL can't respect your wishes, then those are the consequences."
A third person wrote that the parents' boundaries will help their child in the long run. "Your kid will thank you for this when he's older. Being a teenager comes with enough teasing and humiliation, so it's nice not to add in a carefully curated history of every baby picture and embarrassing family story that's on the internet forever and accessible to his classmates."
Not everyone agreed with the mom, who stopped sending photos to her MIL, and said she needed to get over it.
"We live in a social media driven world," wrote one person, who seemed to be in the minority. "Times change and people with them."
Most people agreed with the original poster that the MIL was the one in the wrong.
We all know relationships are hard, and when they change or shift, like when becoming parents and grandparents, communication and respecting boundaries is key to keeping the peace. Hopefully, the MIL will understand that this rule in place isn't about her, and she can get back to receiving cute pictures of her grandson.
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