TRIGGER WARNING: This post contains information about domestic violence, which may be triggering to some.
Long before the coronavirus pandemic, our country was facing a different kind of crisis: According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, one in three women and one in four men in the US have been victims of intimate partner violence (defined as rape, physical violence, stalking, or psychological harm) in their lifetime. The majority of spouse violence occurs in the victimâs home. And now, all too many people are stuck in their homes with abusive partners.Â
One such person, an anonymous woman, recently took to the Breaking Mom subreddit to detail her struggles.
The original poster (OP) said she's been asked to work from home until April, and her daughter, like many children around the globe, is out of school.
She and her soon-to-be-ex-husband are still living together during the divorce process, and given that fighting this pandemic has taken precedence over just about everything, the court system is basically shut down, curbing what the OP calls "much-needed upcoming custody hearings in our divorce."
The OP described her ex as "a nasty narcissist drunk."
The OP detailed a freak incident that happened while skiing with her 8-year-old daughter. The girl got caught in a ski tow rope and was dragged along the snow until the cord broke. She was all right, but it left a red mark on her neck. Upon arriving home and after her daughter went to sleep, the OP's ex "lit" her up, calling her "an irresponsible, mediocre mom," among other choice expletives, according to AmanDog2020.
She noted that she also had "photo evidence of him having three empty fifth bottles in his drawer Friday night when he left out of nowhere when we were all shut down for bed. Then, there being four bottles at 9 a.m. the next morning when he left to go buy us breakfast before our ski day. So, basically a fifth consumed inside less than 12 hours."
The worried mom also explained how her daughter suffered under the care of her father.
According to the OP, he taught their daughter to drive a four-wheel drive ATV while he was intoxicated. âShe punched the gas trying to make a sharp turn down a very short but steep hill,â she wrote. âThey shot across the road and crashed into trees. She had bruises all up and down her back and legs and the top layers of skin were completely ripped off her forearm. He would never admit it, and I canât prove it, but I have to believe heâd been drinking that day.â
In other words, it's abundantly clear this a toxic living situation for everyone involved.
And the global pandemic is forcing them to remain in each other's presence, in close quarters.
âTrying to survive living in this house is bad any day. I wasnât prepared for an apocalypse where Iâm forced to die alongside this piece of s–t,â the OP wrote. âI really hope we can keep the divorce moving along through this scary time because living with him is quite frankly a disease in itself.â
Although the OP originally shared details of a possible Zoom court hearing, an edit notes that all proceedings have been postponed until May and June.
Clearly, that's a distressingly long period of time to contend with circumstances like this.
The OP welcomed "thoughts and positive vibes," and Redditors weighed in.
"Iâm sorry youâre going through this. Reading your post reminded me sooo much of my childhood, where I also grew up with an alcoholic, angry father. Please get your daughter into some counseling, I mean that in the nicest way possible," one user wrote.
To that, the OP replied, "I had her talking with the school counselor once a week. Trust me, its always on my mind. I will likely need to move that to a child therapist, but right now the whole world is on hold. He's like a black mold I can't get rid of."
Experts say this unnerving, unprecedented situation is leading to similarly disturbing behavior.
Katie Ray-Jones, chief executive officer of the National Domestic Violence Hotline, told USA Today, "We're hearing concerns from people who are being isolated with their abusive partner because a lot of strategies that they use on a daily basis to survive the abusive relationship — their social network and support systems — they're going away. Their partners are telling them they can't see their friends or family because of potential exposure. Other partners are threatening to kick victims out and expose them to COVID-19."
Thankfully, many organizations are doing their best to be accessible to victims. Ruth Glenn, president of the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence, encouraged anyone facing abuse to seek support, telling USA Today, "If you are planning to reach out, please don't let COVID-19 prevent you from doing that. Domestic violence shelters and programs are creatively and safely doing their best to make sure that they are there for survivors."
Specific resources are available for victims of domestic violence.
The National Domestic Violence Hotline allows victims to speak confidentially with trained advocates online or by the phone, which it recommends for those who think their online activity is being monitored by their abuser (800-799-7233). They can help survivors develop a plan to achieve safety for themselves and their children.
You could also try Safe Horizon's hotline, which offers crisis counseling, safety planning, and assistance finding shelters at (800) 621-HOPE (4673). It also has a chat feature to reach out for help from a computer or phone confidentially.
In addition, Crisis Text Line provides free, 24/7, confidential support via text message to people in crisis who text 741741.
These stories are based on posts found on Reddit. Reddit is a user-generated social news aggregation, web content rating, and discussion website where registered members submit content to the site and can up- or down-vote the content. The accuracy and authenticity of each story cannot be confirmed by our staff.
