Thinking about our kids and sexuality is a tough one. It's hard to reconcile that your baby is growing into their own sexual identity and is capable of feeling things, well, that you do. Although most healthy parents work hard to make sure they safely nurture sexuality, sometimes outside influences work their way in and do it in the worst of ways.
One dad was put in this situation with his two teens — his 14-year-old girl and 18-year-old son who was bringing round some questionable dudes.
The dad admittedly starts off sounding like a typically overprotective parent.
"I have a 14 year old daughter, and it’s been a hassle chasing the boys away. She’s a very beautiful girl (all thanks to her mom) and has been attracting a lot of attention from perverted men," he wrote.
But where it gets dicey is what he writes next: "Our son's friends being some of them."
"It is disgusting to see how they act around her and treat her," the dad notes.
"Yesterday was the last straw though," he confirmed. "She was sitting on the couch and his friend came downstairs and sat by her because he thought she was the only one awake and started asking her if she was 'really only 14.' He asked several times and kept telling her she 'didn’t look 14' before I walked out of the kitchen and said 'yes, she is 14. now leave her be.' I called Brennan (my son) down and told him he needed to have his friend leave."
He and his wife were so weirded out by his friends at one point, they had to put a "lock on her door that couldn’t be tampered with from the outside."
Ultimately they decided enough was enough, and their son's friends were no longer welcome in their home. Considering the age gap, they were pretty sure this was the best call to make.
"His friends endlessly flirt with her and refuse to leave her alone," the dad said. Now their son is saying they are acting unfair and that he is 18 and can do what he wants."
So the dad wants to know: Is he being unreasonable with his "ban?"
Most people applauded the dad for taking a stand.
"He’s free to move out and have as many friends over as he’d like," wrote one supportive reader, adding:
"At [the] very least, your son's friends are extremely disrespectful and have no sense of boundaries. My older brother would have torn his friends to pieces if they were pulling this crap to me (Same age difference as your son and daughter). It was an unwritten rule to look out for your buddies' little sisters. Trying to flirt with a friend's little sister was never ok. ESPECIALLY if they are 14 and you’re 18. Your son's friends don’t respect her, your son, or you and your wife/home."
Others thought that the dad shouldn't just end it at the ban and that this issue was worth digging deeper into.
"You might want to sit your son down and try to figure out how in the world he thinks this is okay– is he just oblivious or does he really think 18-21 year olds hitting on a 14 year old isn’t creepy?" one person suggested.
Others agreed this was the most important thing for the dad to address.
"This is deeper than just letting the son move out. This needs to be a moment of growth for him. He needs to understand what's going on and that he should stand up not only for his sister, but for any women if they see this behavior."
Perhaps the most compelling point is that this is a learning opportunity for the son and the daughter.
"How does your daughter feel about these passes? Does it make her uncomfortable or is she a little flattered by the attention?" one person commented. "Both reactions are totally valid for a girl her age. (Yes the boys are creeps, but she is a pubescent girl getting hit on by boys, that may be flattering while still being unacceptable.)"
The person continued, "Either way, you should consider talking to her about good ways to respond safely. If she is uncomfortable, how can she get away? Who can she go to? What is a safe way with respond or react to something like this if it doesn’t happen in your home but at school?"
"This will be an ongoing issue for her. It’s important for her to feel empowered and know that it’s okay to 'make a scene' and stand up for herself. It’s also okay for her to leave quietly and find somewhere safe," the person added. "Even if she feels a little flattered by the attention at first, if it turns into something that makes her uncomfortable, it’s okay for her to draw the line. Most importantly, it’s important for her to feel comfortable telling her parents if someone is making her uncomfortable, or worse."
