If your baby doesn't cry often, sleeps through the night, and is generally pretty happy, that should be a win, right? Not for one mom, who took to Reddit to explain that both her mother-in-law and her grandmother-in-law think she and her husband are too "soft" on their son. And get this: They've urged them to let the little one cry more or "he won’t learn to be independent."
The mom is blessed with a "very easy baby."
Their son, who is about 5 months old, hasn't seen much of his grandmother because of stay-at-home orders, but "lockdown has just been eased in our area, and so, we had a quick visit yesterday," the new mom explained on the subreddit r/JUSTNOMIL.
Little did she know that Grandma is a regular Judge Judy.
Based on this visit "and a handful of others," her MIL has ruled that she and her husband are "spoiling" their son.
"Bub has only been upset in front of her twice, once because he was overtired and had a small grizzle [a long cry without an apparent reason] that subsided quickly as I rocked him to sleep for his nap and yesterday because he’d had enough of playing on his tummy after 15 minutes and needed help flipping over."
Those two cases served as evidence for the mother-in-law that the mom and dad cave to their son's every wish and never let him cry.
She also noted that the parents feed him too often and let him nap with them, which is — according to Judge Grandma — a huge no-no.
"We are introducing solids slowly and he’s at the stage where he plays with them curiously but hardly puts any in his mouth," the mom continued. "She was really upset when I stopped her from forcefully spooning purée into his mouth after he pursed his lips shut."
Now Grandma has called both sets of her husband's grandparents "to let them know about our terrible parenting."
And her plot worked. Her husband's grandmother called them ASAP to urge the parents to let the baby "cry more often or 'his lungs won’t develop'" and his grandmother worried that he won't learn to be independent.
"Apparently she said that as I come from a 'permissive' family, it’s up to Dear Husband to be the baby enforcer," she added.
But the mom feels like she's doing things right.
She does admit that she and her husband respond to their son's needs "reasonably quickly," and "we do try to practice a type of attachment parenting that I know seems really foreign to them."
She does keep her son with them a lot and acknowledges that it's a luxury that they are currently able to do so.
"He can still easily amuse himself when playing independently," she added.
Somehow, her husband's family is convinced the baby is the one who is in control.
The mom just can't believe that it's her boy whose "manipulating" them though.
"He has been so cheerful and compliant around them," she wrote. "Do they think he’s being too good?"
"I actually feel really sorry for him, because he’s been such a lovely, loving baby when visiting them, and they think he’s some kind of manipulative monster!"
And that's not the last of it, either.
Her MIL suggested that the Redditor leave her son with Grandma more often to toughen him up.
"But my instincts are telling me to nope out of that situation," she wrote.
Many people commented and told the mom that her in-laws were doing things the "old-school" way.
"This is old-fashioned parenting," one commenter wrote in. "They encouraged it in the '50-'60s. It has since not only been disproven; it has now been shown to be harmful. Admitting that either they or their parents practiced harmful techniques contradicts their belief that they and their parents acted as they knew best (logically this doesn't contradict, but emotionally it does). So, they deny the new theories, the new studies, and the new parenting practices."
"These are not pioneer times, and you don't have to train your baby to be independent," another commenter wrote jokingly. "I'm sure that was handy when your MIL had to chop wood and herd cattle or whatever thing was more urgent to her 150 years ago when she was raising children. Right now, you have the time to tend to your baby and assure his happiness, which is awesome! It's absolutely insane for someone to suggest that your literally ideal situation to tend your child is harmful. To who? He can learn to be more independent once he can walk and talk, like a regular teenager. Seriously, no big deal."
And someone else pointed out that the opposite of her MIL's opinion might be true. "I am expecting, so me and Dear Husband were watching a series about babies," one woman wrote. "Some scientist found that those babies who were always looked after and were comforted grew up to be more adventurous and independent. This was (if I remember correctly) because they felt safe during development, and their hypothalamus was not forced to soothe themselves, so it could concentrate on other things."
This mama needs to put her foot down with her in-laws and her husband needs to, too. As long as her baby is happy, they should be happy. End of discussion.
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