Even in 2020, we are still dealing with the gender role burdens society places on us and our children. Most modern parents encourage their children to be whoever it is they are, but that doesn't mean others are ready to be so accepting.
One mom of twins (a boy and a girl) discovered this when she enrolled both of her kids in ballet.
"Last fall I decided to put my daughter in dance class because she was too shy," explained the mom of the 4-year-old twins.
"I figured she’d make some friends in dance so I signed her up and my son told me he wanted to try out for baseball but he immediately changed it when his sister got signed up for ballet. He told me he wanted to do ballet too. He always follows what his sister does. So I decided I would put him in ballet class too. Well I called the lady who owned it last fall and she said they will be put in a 3-4 year old class. Both kids will be put in a class together. So they were both happy. We went out and brought both of them ballet outfits and shoes. They were both super excited."
The mom said that when she showed up with her son, she was immediately treated hostilely. Every time she signed them in for class, other moms sneered.
"Almost all the kids in my twins class were nice except for two or three," the mom noted. "They would constantly tell my son that ballet isn’t for boys and he would come home crying saying that those girls are telling him to quit because he’s a boy and ballet isn’t for boys."
She continued, "I’ve had to sit him down and explain to him that some people are just gonna act that way but in reality ballet is for everyone not just girls. I told him that he just has to ignore people that are like that. He agreed and said he wasn’t gonna quit."
Since the fall, the twins have made friends in the class, but the mom said things came to a head when she overheard some moms gossiping.
"I dropped my kids off yesterday and as soon as I walked in I overheard a conversation with two another moms speaking to each other about my son they were saying how ballet isn’t for boys and they need to put him in a different class such as hip hop and not ballet," she wrote.
"Something more 'manly' they said. I immediately turned around and told them to please stop talking about my son he has a right to be here just as well as everyone else does and if he wants to do ballet it shouldn’t be a problem with any of you because it’s not their kid. I told them to worry about it their own child and not mine."
The shaming didn't end there.
"They all just looked at me and one mom went as far to say well we don’t want you here you need to go put your son in a boys class because this class is for girls," the mom wrote. "I told her that this class is for anyone who wants to join it not just girls. I told them all that I’ve heard enough of this and it has been going on for months ever since I came here and I said I wasn’t leaving. But I did thank them for saying all that crap in front of my son."
Nw that the recital is done, the mom wants to move her twins out and into another class for 5 and older since they'll be turning 5 soon anyway.
"I asked them if they wanted to leave that class before I told them what I was gonna do and they both said yes," the mom confirmed. "They told me how all the kids were starting to be mean to them now. So I feel it’s best to put them in a different class and move away from this group."
But she's uncertain about what to do. "Am I making the right decision? Or should I force my kids to stay and learn to live with it? My husband thinks I should force them to stay in the class they’re in and learn to live with people that are like that. But I don’t want them to not have any friends. What do I do?"
Parents of Reddit suggested that mom first try to take it to the top.
"Have you considered speaking to the owner/instructor," suggested one reader. "Most dance companies would be thrilled to have more boys. There are never enough. The instructor sets the tone for the group. They need to sit these parents down and give them the 411."
Another reader totally agreed.
"One of my kids does ballet, and the instructor's boys both take ballet and tap. They are always keen to get more boys in. I bet the instructor would shut the other parent's [expletive] down real quick. For your kids, maybe take them to a 'real' ballet performance, so they can see men dancing as well? It just might [make] them ignore any other crap from students/parents."
Parents also noted that there was no shame in switching classes.
"I would switch classes," admitted one parent. "While I appreciate the merits of building perseverance and grit, the activity is ultimately meant to be fun at this age and the environment as it stands is not fun."
Others totally agreed.
"Yep, get those kids in a different class away from those toxic mums, and make it clear to the teacher that you won't tolerate your children being bullied while under her supervision. You are doing everything right by your kids, ballet is for everyone."
Hopefully this mama does what she thinks is best so both of her kids can enjoy whatever it is they want to do freely.
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