Corporal punishment has been lauded recently as an antiquated way to discipline children. Experts note that hitting a child only devalues them, doesn't improve behavior, and often leads to PTSD, among other reasons not to do it. Despite that, in certain families, it is a "normal" way to keep kids in line.
One mom, however, is determined to break the generational trauma of hitting, and it's got her family talking about her behind her back.
"I grew up in a toxic household where we would get a belt whooping over everything," the mom began.
She went on to explain that this happened to not only her but to her siblings and cousins. As a result, it's caused some long-term trauma.
"My cousins have severe identity issues," she wrote. "My siblings and I have difficulty expressing emotion. We also struggle with self worth, trust, and just overall have no idea what direction to take in life. The more I learn about the effects of toxic parenting, the more I connect back to my own childhood. And it wasn't just ruthless physical punishment."
The mom noted that she and her siblings suffered a lot of mental torment and manipulation, especially at the hands of her alcoholic mother.
"We've all suffered as young adults in various ways, but we are healing together," she said.
One of the ways for her to heal was deciding when she got pregnant that she was committed to breaking the cycle of abuse.
The mom is now a parent to a 3-year-old who she flat-out calls a "hellion."
"I've decided I don't want to spank her," the mom stated. "Not trying to judge other parents but I just believe that I can teach her to manage her emotions without physically causing her pain. I use the naughty seat when I can obviously tell she is doing something malicious but that's very rare because she's a sweet kid."
The tantrums her toddler has are mostly over screen time and sweets, two things she wants all day long.
"She gets sweets and screen time, but I have to set those healthy limits," the mom wrote. "And when I do she looses her [expletive]. Do I punish her for getting upset? No! Do I give in and give her what she wants? H–l no. I hug her, acknowledge that she is mad because I won't give her what she wants."
She manages her daughter's fits by doing deep breathing, hugging, and a lot of positive affirmations, which makes the mom feel so good and proud of herself. (As she should!)
"When she gets mad I try to teach her the words that match her emotion and she's starting to get it! She’ll say 'I'm crying. I'm frustrated.' I feel pretty d–n proud of myself. I think when she's older, she is going to have an easier time juggling her own emotions."
Even though her daughter is already showing signs of better coping mechanisms than some adults, the mom's family says they wholly disapprove.
It doesn't bother the mom in the slightest.
"So let them talk mad [expletive] about me. Let them call my daughter a brat. Let them say I'm a weak mother. If anything it fuels my strength. My three year old came up to me, put my face in her tiny chubby hands, looked me dead in the eye and said 'I love you with all my heart.' VERBATIM. I have no memory of ever receiving or showing affection to my mother. All I remember was fear and pain. The pure love I get from my little girl every day just floors me every time because I never had that …"
People were genuinely moved by the mom's strength and commitment to doing better by her children.
"I get so angry when I hear from my parents' generation "when xx was a child, there was no fussing about and no crying over stuff,'" wrote one users. "… that's because you put the living fear into your kids, had no emotional bond or trust, so that your kid has to hide all this from you since they were small to avoid emotional and physical abuse (yes, spanking your child is counted in here)."
Other parents who grew up in similar situations also extended their heartfelt pride for the mom's choices.
"I grew up with what I have now come to know as an extremely toxic family, wrote one user. "Lies, manipulation, control etc. — just a lot of emotional and mental abuse as kids. When I became a father I vowed to break that cycle and I have. It comes with struggles including hearing my whole family disagree with almost every parenting choice I make. My daughter is happy, healthy, loved and we have the best relationship ever — AND ITS A HEALTHY ONE!! Don't let anyone spoil your parenting choices. You know best and will ask for advice if you need it."
The best part for most? This mama isn't just raising great kids; she's raising future better adults.
"You teach recognizing and managing emotions, neither trying to condition bad responses out with misery, nor just letting them run wild," admired one reader. "Recognize the feeling, acknowledge and respect it, and ride out the storm while using what resources you have to mitigate the impact. For god's sake, a sizable majority of grown adults never learn this, and that's one reason the world sucks as much as it does."
Way to go, mama! Keep doing you!
