The concept of love language is one that is uniquely personal to each couple. What works for one, doesn't for another. And so long as all participants are consenting and happy, that is all that should matter.
However, one MIL recently learned her DIL is "disgusted" by the way she tends to her husband after she and her son moved back home.
"I've been very happily married for twenty-four years," the MIL began.
"We have a twenty two year old son — Jackson, who recently had to move in with us with his wife — Amanda. Now I don't like Amanda but I told him it's his life and I'm not going to keep commenting as long as he knows I do not like her."
Even though she thinks that Amanda is generally rude and too political, she is happy to have her son around and admits Amanda is a fine houseguest.
"I've always gotten the impression that Amanda has an issue with my lifestyle," the MIL wrote. "I've been a housewife/ stay at home mom since I got married. I really don't care what other people do, but working never appealed to me and I married a man who is a good provider."
The MIL is all too happy play the role of a doting housewife, and as a result has a nightly ritual with her husband.
"He's a lawyer and works long hours, so when he comes home, I like to make him a drink, and every night I take his shoes off," she wrote. "This seems to really p–s Amanda off and I don't know if it is the kneeling in front of him, or the physical act, but I have noticed her scoffing at it. I don't care. She can scoff. I have an easy privileged life because of him and it's something I like to do to help him relax."
It came to a head when when Amanda's scoffing turned into verbal condemnation.
"Last night when I did it Amanda asked if I thought I was setting a good example for my 16 year old daughter," the MIL wrote. "I said yes, I hope my daughter grows up to be a good partner. Amanda asked why it's never the other way around, and I asked if she was trying to make some sort of statement. Amanda said it's made her uncomfortable for a while and she couldn't bite her tongue anymore.
"I told her it's alright if she's uncomfortable, but ultimately, I get to be comfortable in my own house. My husband said he'd be uncomfortable too, living rent free in someone else's house. Now Jackson is angry with both of us, but I'm not sure if it's valid. He's never had a good relationship with his dad, but I think we could have said a lot worse and that he needs to talk to his wife about basic manners."
For what may be the first time in history, many people took the MIL's side.
"Service is a love language, and a beautiful one at that," one person commented. "It’s not everyone’s love language and that’s ok. But no one has the right to tell someone that what has worked for a decades-long relationship is wrong, especially when they are literally free-loading off the people they’re criticizing."
Another person agreed.
"As long as you're impressing on your daughter that good partners come in all different forms and as long as both people are happy, and healthy, then it's all good," the person wrote. "I have zero issue with you doting on your husband, and I have zero issue with the reverse, or anywhere in between."
A third person chimed in with this: "If two people are happy with how they've set their responsibilities in both living together, and in a relationship; let them be happy. I know Amanda thinks they're reinforcing gender roles, but they're showing their daughter what content give-and-take relationship looks like."
Others note just how caring the relationship sounded to them.
"It sounds like he respects, loves, appreciates you," one person wrote. "On the surface, I thought the shoe thing was a bit creepy and demeaning, but the way you have described him, it doesn't sound like that. If you're choosing to do it, and he's not expecting you to, then it's fine. Either way, the DIL shouldn't have said anything. She's probably just jealous that you're so well off without having to do much for it."
A few commenters insisted that the MIL was being a bit hypocritical regarding her DIL's perspective.
"I would be as creeped out as Amanda, but she should've held her tongue" wrote one user. "You're also the [expletive] because you for some reason felt it was important that your son know you don't like his wife. The 'overly political' part made me laugh. I'm guessing you just don't like hearing about politics at all, because yours aren't very good and you don't know how to defend them. Sounds like you just don't approve of outspoken, opinionated women."
A few others also noted that it was important that she make sure her daughter knows that she should be striving for an equal partnership and not a subservient one
"If you truly believe that having equal rights means that kneeling in front of your husband is a choice that you are free and happy to make, I sincerely hope that you are instilling in your teenaged daughter that she is just as deserving of a partner who sits in front of her," one person wrote. "That working for a living and contributing equally to the expenses and chores is a respectable pursuit for both men and women alike, without judgement."
