Two weeks ago, social media influencer Ashley Stock shared the heartbreaking news that her 3-year-old daughter Stevie had died. The toddler was diagnosed with a rare brain tumor just one month before she passed away in her mother's arms on May 27, and the news left Stock's loyal fan base in shock. Last week, Stock updated her Instagram account to share 10Ā photos taken when Stevie was laid to rest June 1Ā in a private funeral attended only by close family.
One photo shows Stock, husband Ben, and her sons, Wesley, 10, and Sawyer, 7, as they each lay a hand on Stevie's casket.
Another is a view of them from behind, looking over Stevie's grave as they wrap their arms around each other. On the side of the casket, a set of two handprints belonging to her brothers can be seen.
As her caption, Stock included only the lyrics to the song 'It's Quiet Uptown' from the Broadway musical 'Hamilton.'
In the Tony Award-winning musical, the song plays just after Alexander Hamilton's son Philip died, and it's clear from the lyrics that Stock felt them deep in her soul after saying goodbye to Stevie:
There are moments that the words don't reach
There is suffering too terrible to name
You hold your child as tight as you can
And push away the unimaginable
The moments when you're in so deep
It feels easier to just swim down
They move uptown
And learn to live with the unimaginable.
If I could spare (her) life
If I could trade (her) life for mine
Sheād be standing here right now
And you would smile, and that would be enough
I don't pretend to know
The challenges we're facing
I know there's no replacing what we've lost
And you need time
But I'm not afraid
I know who I married
Just let me stay here by your side
That would be enough
In the comments, countless fans wrote words of support and sympathy.
"I'm crying," wrote one. "Your sons' tears tear me up."
"No mother should ever have to bury their baby!" added another.
"The loss is immeasurable, but so is the love left behind," wrote someone else.
"I weep for you," added yet another follower. "We are all here for you and your family. She is and will forever be loved by so many."
Stock's loyal fans have been following her difficult journey since it began back in April, when Stevie was hospitalized.
In a post April 12, Stock shared that the toddler had been admitted due to "rapidly declining motor function," and that Ben had to stay behind with their boys because of COVID-19 restrictions.
"After several tests, a social worker came and escorted me to a private room where four doctors sat waiting," she recalled. "My stomach sank as I accepted the box of tissues handed to me and they delivered the news that our sweet baby girl has a large mass on her brain. This is all we know for now. We are awaiting additional tests and a neurosurgeon and team of doctors will be having a round table to discuss best next steps for our baby girl. Please pray for our Stevie."
In the days that followed, and the family learned more, the news only led to more heartache.
Stevie was officially diagnosed with DIPG, or diffuse intrinsic pontine glioma — a type of brain tumor found in the brain stem. According to St. Jude's, about 10 to 20% of all pediatric brain tumors are DIPG, and even though they are most common in children 5 to 10 years old, they can occur at any age, even children as young as Stevie.
Tragically, DIPG has a 0% survival rate.
"We are shattered. Broken. Gutted," Stock wrote after learning the news. "Somehow my body continues to produce tears and ugly crying has become my only release."
In her posts, Stock chronicled what she came to call her "unbreaking," as she and her husband came to terms with Stevie's fate.
"I'm working every single second to keep my thoughts present, in this moment, rather than spiral into the fear of the 'future possibilities' and 'what if's," she wrote in an April 13 post. "But sometimes I break, the flood gates open, and I give myself permission to sit alone and cry while Stevie sleeps."
"I don't know how to do this," she wrote in another post, just days later. "And if it were up to me, I'd curl up into a ball of sadness and grief and stay there forever, just laying in my pain — because the thought of overcoming it in any capacity seems insurmountable."
Through it all, though, her daughter pulled her through. According to Stock, Stevie remained "beyond brave" as she continued to work "so hard to make the most of this and tolerate her discomfort."
Over the next month, the Stocks were placed on an emotional roller coaster they couldn't get off.
Finally, at 1:05 p.m. May 27, it came to an end — and a new emotional journey began.Ā
"Stevie took her final breath in our arms," her mother wrote in one heartbreaking post. "There have been many miracles and countless God moments that I'll put into words when my heart has strength. For now, I'm overwhelmed with relief that she's at peace but I'm also feeling crushed by a pain so intense I can't put it into words. I let it out a bit at a time, like when you gently twist the lid off a liter soda bottle … releasing the built up pressure little by little to keep it from exploding all over the place."
In the days since Stevie's death, Stock has remained honest and open about her grief, as well as how much her daughter's spirit keeps her going.
"Everything is you," Stock wrote in one Instagram post to her daughter. "I've built my life and my heart around you and your brothers and while the joy still exists all around me, none of it feels even close to the same without you. Living this broken feels impossible, but baby girl, I promise I'm looking for your miracles around every corner. Even from the other side, you're keeping me going. We've got work to do, hugs to give and hearts to heal."
