Mom Thinks She’s Raising Her Bossy Daughters To Be ‘Leaders’ But Dad Worries They’re Turning Into Bullies

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When parents clash over child rearing, it can be exhausting, demoralizing, and frustrating. Especially when both parties believe they are vehemently right. 

One dad is battling his wife over disciplinary strategies for their two young girls — because he's worried they are turning into bullies.

The dad begins by explaining that he has two girls, 5 and 7 years old, with his wife.

"They're sweet and funny kids, that I love to bits," he wrote in his post on Reddit. "My wife didn't get to have much of a childhood because her own mother sucked and as a result, she is very lenient with our girls. I've had to remind her that it's okay to say no to them and to reprimand them when they do wrong, it won't make her, her mother. My wife has also been in therapy for her issues with her mom."

The dad thinks that as a result of his wife's fear of discipline, he has started seeing his girls displaying some "mean girl" tendencies.

"They will say things to other kids that while age appropriate, are not kind," the dad acknowledge. "They comment on others’ appearances, make fun of people and tend to say things like 'I'm smarter than you, better than you, etc' even to adults. Again, I know this is age appropriate. Kids have no filter. However, part of growing up is teaching them said filters and I try to teach them when I hear this to not say these things, to be kinder and to explain that words can hurt."

His wife, however, thinks that the girls are just being kids and doesn't really see an issue with their behavior.

"She shares tons of links about how 'bossy kids are just future leaders' and excusing bad actions away," he confessed.

"She doesn't want to do anything when they say bad things to us or others. She ignored our eldest's teacher's comments that she was excluding kids on the playground. It's been an argument between us for a long time."

Things came to a head after the girls had an unfortunate encounter with their babysitter.

"Our town has lifted a lot of restrictions so my wife and I went on a date at a restaurant that had outdoor seating only," he wrote.

"When we returned, our babysitter informed us that our youngest kept telling her she had a 'big tummy' and asked when she was going to lose weight. My wife thought it was funny. The sitter did not. She said when she told the kids it wasn't appropriate, they laughed. I apologized. Once she left, it lead to a fight with my wife," he wrote.

"My wife said they're just kids. I say that doesn't excuse poor behavior. I told her from now on we needed to actually be firmer with how they talk to others, as it's not cute. She didn't agree. I told her I would be doing it no matter what and she could do what she wanted, but she would be creating mini bullies."

Now the dad says his wife isn't speaking with him. He wants to know if he was wrong for setting such firm boundaries.

There's a huge difference between being bossy and mean, pointed out several readers.

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"It's one thing if your kid takes charge at a playdate and assigns roles for everyone in say, playing house," one person wrote. "Making nasty comments to people has nothing to do with being bossy or being a leader. Harassing a babysitter about her weight has nothing to do with that. It's just being mean and definitely has no correlation at all to being a leader later in life."

Others had some bad news for the dad, too. Considering that the mom laughed at the mean comment to the babysitter, she might be a bully already.

"Well, I guess it's clear where they get it from," one person wrote. "It's never too old to teach children to be kind and to have empathy. You don't have to be a [expletive] parent to teach your kids right from wrong."

This mom and dad definitely need to come to a middle ground before any long-lasting damage is done.