You would think that the coronavirus would force all of us to give each other a break, but nope, mommy shaming is alive and well, unfortunately. One mom is facing the brunt of her judge-y family, who thinks she's awful for wanting to put her kids in day care on the days she has off from work. "At the moment, I'm really struggling," she explained.
As she explained in a Reddit post, she works three days a week.
So far her two children, a 2- and 1-year-old, have been fine going to day care while she's working. The issue is that she really wants to increase the number of days her kids receive child care, she explained in her post on Am I the A–hole, from three days a week to five, Monday through Friday.
Those extra days would mean so much to the mom -- time to clean the house, time to food shop, or time to relax.
As someone who has anxiety and depression, finding time to decompress can be so key.
Just don't say any of this to the mom's family.
They think she's "horrible for not wanting to be with my kids every moment I'm not at work."
They feel like her kids "should be enough to keep me going. Which they are 100% the only reason I'm still alive to this day," she added.
But does that mean that she needs to be with them every spare moment of the week?
Sure, she could force herself to be Supermom 24/7, but the way she sees it, by giving herself a break she'll actually be able to be a better parent.
"They will also be in a much more encouraging environment for their development as they will be with people specializing in child education," she explained. "My daughter also has a speech delay and the childcare she's at has a SEN/speech specialist so the more time she spends at nursery the more time she's going to have developing her speech."
In case anyone wonders, her partner is fine with her plan.
He works full time and she works about five hours a day. She's committed to only putting them in day care for as long as her normal shifts.
But she still has her doubts.
"I'm starting to feel like I'm being selfish and its only two days where I would have them for a full day and I should be able to cope," she wrote.
Other people who've been there know that sometimes being a loving parent means taking care of yourself first.
"Structure, consistency and socialization all benefit the kids. And if they have a happy mom even better," one commenter advised.
"Unless your family members want to volunteer help, they should not be commenting on anything," someone else commented. "I'm also at home doing my own thing while my kids are in childcare. They don't need to keep facing an exhausted mom and I get to recharge and run my errands."
"You and your partner have made a family decision and the rest of the world needs to butt out," a third person agreed. "If coping is a major concern do what you need to do."
A few people thought the mom was overreacting.
"I cannot understand why people have children if spending time with them and looking after them is such an immense burden," one person wrote. "Perhaps send them to childcare for one day a week to give yourself time for errands, still iffy but okay ….. but both of your days off?? Jeez. So many parents would find it a blessing to have this extra time to spend with their children, and you’re sending yours away because … it’s more convenient. "
"Why do people even have children?" another person commented.
"When I was working I couldn't wait to spend some some with my babies on my days off. Why have kids at all if you don't want to be with them when you can?" a third commenter wondered.
In an edit to her post, the mom thanked commenters for their support and said she's not going to make any changes during the current health situation.
"Thank you everyone for all the replies and responses, this has genuinely made me feel better about my decision," she wrote.
She added that with the current health concerns, she would wait on implementing her plan.
"Im a key worker so need the childcare on the days i work. I am only planning on increasing the days once its safer to do so," she explained.
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