It's one thing to normalize breastfeeding and to make sure that no one feels any shame with nursing their baby, but that doesn't mean someone should feel comfortable enough breastfeeding your child … without you knowing. One mom on Reddit was speechless when she learned that her beloved nanny was trying to nurse her 10-month-old son without her permission. And when she reviewed her nanny cam, she was horrified to learn that it wasn't the first time.
The mom explained that she and her husband have two kids, a 5-year-old daughter and an infant son.
Because they're both on active duty, they've decided they needed a little help since the birth of their son. Their first nanny didn't work out, quitting because of scheduling and payment issues. In the scramble to find their next nanny, their neighbor's 20-year-old daughter was a godsend.
Her kids "are in love with this girl."
"And I'd be lying if I said she wasn't a blessing to our family," the mom added. "I wanted someone who would love my kids as if they were their own and she does just that and then some."
Her new nanny is always willing to help out — without being asked first. The mom even felt comfortable enough with her that she shared a breastfeeding struggle: She doesn't produce much milk, "which forces me to rely on donor milk to feed my son."
"She was very sympathetic and inquisitive about the situation, and I was happy to answer all of her questions while simultaneously thinking nothing of it," she continued.
Although they have nanny cams in their living room and bedroom, she never felt compelled to check them.
But after a rough day recently, she wanted to see how her kids were doing so she logged on remotely to check in — and what she saw was upsetting.
"My nanny was sitting on my bed, rocking my son, and attempting to breastfeed him," she recalled. "I almost felt sick, it just seemed so inappropriate."
Instead of exploding on the spot, she decided to wait until she got home to address what happened.
When she did, her nanny was "incredibly apologetic."
"She said she wanted to help me because of my milk production issues and never meant any harm," the mom recalled.
Now she's not so sure what she should do.
"I'm torn because she's a great girl and my kids are so well taken care of, but now I'm concerned about what other things I've missed," she wrote. "I don't have many other options as far as nannies go, but I'm thinking about letting her go because of this."
That might have been the end of things -- but then the mom checked out more of her nanny cam footage.
She noticed a disturbing trend –"she unplugs the camera in my bedroom when she goes to put him down for naps and plugs it back in when she leaves," she wrote in an update to her post.
As the mom continued to dig, she soon learned that her nanny had been breastfeeding her son for quite some time, "among a few other questionable things (closing my daughter in the pantry, leaving my son in the backyard unattended, etc)."
On the suggestion of some of the commenters, she checked to see if anything was missing from her house.
Apparently her nanny took a "couple of my son's first outfits (first onesie, first halloween costume) were gone as well as a small blanket that belonged to my daughter, and a box of old baby clothes I was going to donate," she wrote. "These were returned to me by her father minus the blanket because she can't find it."
Her nanny told the mom that she only unplugged the nanny cam because she was "uncomfortable with it pointing at her while she was trying to put my son to sleep." But her reason didn't really make much sense and the damage was done.
"We've decided to let her go, obviously, and I'm going to be taking a few weeks of leave to take my kids in for check-ups, get them a proper caregiver, and overall spend time with them," the mom continued. "My husband and I are horrified and heartbroken that we facilitated a situation in which our children's safety was put at risk."
To some commenters, her reaction was completely justified.
"Uhhh… does she have any reason to believe that she could produce more milk than you?" one person wondered. "I've worked as a nanny. This is beyond inappropriate. You need boundaries in place, like, yesterday. If you decided to fire her in order to set that boundary, I won't be mad at you."
"This is a huge violation and a huge risk of spreading disease," another person agreed. "One of my friends had this happen to her as an infant, a family acquaintance just randomly decided to breastfeed her one day because she started crying and mom wasn't around for a second because she was grabbing something in the house. My friend got thrush, aka a yeast infection, in her throat."
"The woman doesn't even have a baby. She doesn't lactate!!" someone else pointed out. _"_If she was another new mother acting as a wet nurse without OP's permission, that would be gross and violating enough already. The fact that she's not has incredibly creepy connotations to me. Like either she was trying to form a motherly bond with the baby (incredibly inappropriate, as you've said. I've also nannied for many families in my time.) or…. I don't even want to address the alternative of a woman who knows she can't lactate getting her nipples sucked. This is horrifying."
A few people thought the mom needed to get over it.
"I think it varies from culture to culture," one commenter pointed out. "It is very common for nannies to breastfeed babies (if they so want) from where I come. In fact, such nannies are highly sought after and usually paid more. Also you should take care of her diet when she is at your place and feeding your baby. I really don't understand why you think feeding a baby is inappropriate."
"You said you want someone who loves your children like their own and you are pleased with the bond she has with them. If she was breastfeeding your son would that be so terrible?" someone else wondered.
"You are breastfeeding yourself you know it’s all about feeding and bonding — these are the instincts you want a nanny to have — I think she was foolish not to check this was ok with you first but she is 20, from how you have described her it sounds like it was coming from the right intentions," the person continued. "I personally would have been so grateful for a caregiver to be able to feed my kids when I was not around as they wouldn't take a bottle and wouldn't fall asleep with a cup."
"She should've asked. But her heart was in the right place," another person commented. "And she's amazing everywhere else and had a lapse in judgment. There's nothing malicious about what she did."
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