We live in a world where we are constantly inundated with images of perfect bodies, and many of us are trying to achieve the unattainable. Conversely, we also live in a time when body positivity is on the rise, and there is much more acceptance of all body types than ever before. Body shaming in all forms, and commenting about other people’s bodies should be off-limits, right?
Well, a dad in Reddit’s AITA forum is having a bit of a moral dilemma. His daughter is being harassed about her body by another girl on the swim team, so he told her to comment back. It has caused all kinds of trouble between both sets of parents, and he wonders if it was wrong of him to tell his daughter to give her bully a taste of her own medicine.
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The issue with the girls has apparently been going on for a while.
The original poster, 42, explains that his daughter, Lucy, 10, joined the swim team a few months ago and has been having an issue with 14-year-old "Z" ever since. Lucy is thin and petite, but OP says she is a strong swimmer and does well. Z is taller and heavier and also has an attitude that OP says she uses to intimidate his daughter.
“Lucy tearfully confessed that Z was bullying her. She'd been making constant comments and taunts about her size. Insults like 'You're so skinny and insignificant. You're like a little stick. I could just snap you in half or flick you out of the way with my finger,'” he wrote.
OP was concerned about her feelings, so he gave Lucy a bit of controversial advice.
He told Lucy to poke fun at Z, “I suggested that next time Z said about being able to flick her out of the way she should reply 'Yes you probably could. But if I wanted to move YOU out the way I'd have to use a crane since you're so big and fat.' This made Lucy laugh and she said she might try it."
Lucy went through with it, and Z went berserk. She cried and went to her mother, who then went after OP. He wrote that he let her finish her rant, but explained that Z was going after Lucy, and she was giving her a taste of her own bullying. This all apparently happened in front of a crowd, and now OP is worried.
“Her mum believed her and said that anyway, it wasn't the same. Being called small and skinny wasn't as bad as being called fat! She said I was a bad parent and an AH. I said I wouldn't be engaging any more with her since she was clearly unable to accept that Z was a bully and was the aggressor," he explained. "I said that I would tell Lucy not to speak to Z again in the future and suggested she did the same. Other parents at the club witnessed this. One was very surprised that I had encouraged Lucy to handle it that way. That made me feel like an AH. AITA?”
Not surprisingly, Redditors had mixed reactions to this one.
There was a strong group that felt like OP totally crossed the line by bringing up another kid’s body.
"Reddit will probably love this and downvote me but having parented and coached YTA," someone commented. "Neither athlete learned anything transferable from this and both were harmed while both parents behaved terribly."
Others agreed.
“Ultimately, you're encouraging her to fixate on Z's projections instead of to have her own sense of self, to learn to let others' projections roll off her back, and to maintain her personal integrity when people are trying to drag her down into the mud," another person wrote.
One comment reads: “YTA. You should have spoken with the swim director and her mother. A lot of bullying is a chain link effect; Z is probably getting it at school or from a family member and is repeating the cycle on your daughter to make herself feel better. That doesn’t make what she did right, but you had a chance to correct the cycle and encourage her to get help for herself. Or at the very least establish a clear pattern of abuse in which your daughter is obviously innocent. Instead, you’ve taught your daughter to repeat the cycle AND made it look like SHE is the bully."
But more people thought OP’s actions were justified.
Lots of mama bears and papa bears out there felt OP did the right thing for Lucy.
“I went through the same thing,” someone wrote. "When my family learned they went to the school, admins called the parents, and the parents were so angry because of their reputation that their kids tarnished, so what happened? My bullies took it OUT of school, so it wasn't school matter to them when it kept happening. Lmao."
And even more, felt Z needed to learn not to bully.
“I was teased for being skinny as a kid,” another comment reads. "People think it isn't as hurtful as being called fat. But that is just not true. Words hurt. I agree though. Op is NTA. How many people have reported bullying and nothing happens. This girl will now think twice before she messes with OP daughter."
Someone else commented: “NTA. Bullies need to be stood up to and that is what your daughter did. When I was in Junior High I had a linebacker on the school’s football team pushing me into lockers everyday so one day I had enough and smacked him across the face with my book bag and I was ready to fight and lose but at least I stood up to him. He looked at me shocked and said 'I am sorry, I never had anyone stand up to me lime that.' He turned and walked away and never bothered me again.”
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This one is hard.
Parents naturally want to stand up for their kids. But is it right to pull someone else down? Probably not. As one person pointed out, the whole group could use a bit of sensitivity training.
“Your daughter was being bullied for her physical form, so you encouraged her to deal with it by bullying that person about their physical form," one person summarized. "Do better."
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