Every phase of parenting comes with a set of unique and sometimes expensive challenges. There’s the newborn stage when sleep is really hard to come by and child care is SO expensive. The toddler age is frustrating because “no” is the kid’s favorite word. And teenagerhood is another hard stage for different reasons. There are a lot of hormones, a lot of growing, and road bumps in even the closest families – and even more issues when there are communication challenges.
There are also the added expenses that come with bigger kids, including more expensive clothes and activities and the bigger grocery bills that come with teenage appetites!
One family is facing an issue with a tween.
The parents are no longer romantically connected but they co-parent. Something that’s come up with their teenager, however, has led to the two of them being at odds with each other.
Trying to figure out what to do, the dad in the situation (aka OP) turned to Reddit to share what’s been going on in hopes that someone would be able to offer some helpful advice.
Posting to Reddit’s AITA community, OP gave a rundown on his family before jumping into the issue.
OP explained that the issue he’s having is with his 11-year-old son. He shares “50/50” custody with his ex-wife and they split most of their costs.
“We split childcare costs,” he wrote, and “neither one of us pay child support.”
That arrangement has been working for them for a while.
Things are changing, however, because their son is about to enter puberty — a time when kids grow really quickly.
There’s already been a big side effect of their preteen son getting older.
OP shared that his son 'is hitting puberty' and his appetite has really ramped up.
Anyone who has a teenager or two at home can attest to the reality that when kids are in that stage of growing, they eat a whole lot of food. It’s even more if they’re active. Suddenly, groceries don’t go as far as they did before.
“He eats a lot but is still skinny,” the dad shared with Reddit. “I generally shop at a regular grocery store but my ex shops at Whole Foods.”
Because OP’s son is eating more these days, his ex wants them to renegotiate their understood child support agreement.
“She complained that her grocery bill has tripled because of my son’s appetite,” OP wrote of his ex, “and asked me to fork over $50 a week to supplement.”
It doesn’t sound like contributing some extra money would be financially challenging for OP, but it’s the principal, he explained.
“It’s next to nothing to me but I refused and told her to shop somewhere else,” he recalled. “She said she’s trying to feed him healthy food and so it’s expensive.”
The logic didn’t sit well with OP, so he told her it was her problem to deal with the increase in food costs.
“I responded that’s her problem if she wants to spend $16 on a pound of salmon at Whole Foods when I can get it for $7 at Kroger,” he explained. “I told her if I gave her $50 then I expect a meal out of it.”
That’s where OP and his ex were unable to come to an agreement. But OP wasn’t sure if his refusal to give her the extra money made him a jerk.
The dad turned it over to Reddit to hear what the collective thoughts were.
“She’s choosing to shop at a crazy expensive store,” one person replied. “It’s not your job to subsidize her.”
“You can eat healthy on a small budget,” another commenter shared. “If she can’t figure out how to shop and cook smartly, that’s her problem.”
“You don’t fly first class unless you can afford it,” suggested someone else. “She needs to start shopping within her means.”
“You are spot on,” another person chimed in. “She can stretch her dollars, she’s choosing not to do so. It would be different if she literally had no food in the house while he was there.”
Sounds like Reddit was Team Dad on this one!
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