Are you raising teens? It’s hard. In a lot of ways, it’s similar to raising toddlers. They are temperamental, emotional, and sometimes they have trouble using their words. If we’re being honest, they could definitely use a nap. They are difficult to decipher and understand, and being the size of a fully grown adult makes it harder to see past their bad behaviors because you can’t help but think that they should know better.
A lot of the time, you'll feel like you're failing. But they don’t always make good choices, including rolling their eyes at us, and they often think they know everything. I wish I had their confidence. The teen years are a big deal and a lot of parenting work — there is no denying that.
However, I often hear people talk about how horrible it is to parent teens, and I definitely disagree with that theory.
Yes, it is difficult to maneuver the slippery slopes of teenage hormones, first loves, and thinking they know everything. They can be bold. We spent their entire childhood teaching them to stand up for themselves and speak up for causes so we shouldn’t be so surprised when they square up to us.
And no, this is not a Gen Z thing. I did the exact same thing when I was a teenager. It’s called freethinking and asserting independence; it’s just like when they learned the word "no" and didn’t want to hold our hands anymore. It’s natural and part of growing into strong, capable, and functional young adults. You know those good humans making good choices we’ve all been trying so hard to raise? Well, this is where we test our theory.
Granted, there is a lot of bickering between siblings and talking back and eye rolling to parents during the teen years — even then most kind and gentle teens experience these growing pains and need to push those boundaries.
But there are also a lot of opportunities for us to pay attention, listen, be present, and give them what they need but don’t know how to verbalize. That onus also falls on us parents. I told you it was hard being a parent of teens, but it is also 100% worth it. I have a theory that teens are so obnoxious at this age so it doesn’t kill us when they leave to college. If they weren’t just a little bit terrible, how could we ever bear to part?
Teens are a lot like toddlers in what they need from us, but they’re bigger, eat more, smell worse, and are a lot less adorable.
But at their core they still need us to guide them, even when they say otherwise, and they need our unconditional love, understanding, patience, and definitely our listening ears. You need to be present now, more than ever. Sometimes the truth they want you to know is buried deep within a bunch of nonsense about boys and friends and clothes and makeup.
Be patient, listen, and you will hear it. Be present. Just like toddlers, they don’t know how to directly ask for what they want or need beyond the superficial.
My girls are honestly and truly my best friends.
The hardest part for me is going to be letting them go, watching them learn to navigate the wild of young adulthood from a slight distance so that they can have their independence and learn because I can’t (though I may want to) be there for everything, every moment.
The most important thing I can do is fill them with self-confidence, educate them through honest, hard conversations, and love them unconditionally.
In the end, we all have to trust in our parenting that they will be OK. Knowing that soon I will have to let them go is the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do. My girls are both in high school now with high school problems like boys, friends, and college choices, and the oldest is driving and it is exciting and wonderful and breaks my heart just a little bit.
It all goes by way too fast. For now, I’ll hug them just a little longer and go on Starbys runs together while singing Olivia Rodrigo at the top of our lungs even when I don’t want to because I’m not quite ready to let go just yet.
