Discovering and blending parenting styles is one of the most challenging things for a couple. You often go into it thinking that you know exactly how you are going to parent your children and end up a little gobsmacked that you both approached the same situation in completely opposite ways. The fact is your little ones are likely the culprits for throwing a wrench into your plans.
But the thing is, it might not really matter that much. So long as your methods are safe for the child (and family) it doesn't super matter how you get there. What I've learned that really matters? That we get there at all.
My husband and I started this parenting journey, unbeknownst to us, with completely different parenting styles.
We were together a long time before having kids. With being so used to a certain way of life, growing our family threw us for a loop. You really don’t know what you’re getting into until it actually happens. We went from spending all the time together to very limited windows. Which means, in the chaos of raising a family, our wires got crossed on a few key things.
Being a parent is a full-time job, so getting on the same page with your partner can sometimes get lost in the sauce.
Your kids are always changing, and you’re constantly adapting to their needs and trying to correct bad behavior. It can be overwhelming when you don’t have time to even talk about a lot of it. With me staying home and him going to work, I'll be honest: It can be hard to check in.
When our first child was small, I was very much in the “pick your battles” camp.
I would give into what she wanted a lot of the time because I didn’t think many things were worth the fight. My husband would react to these things more strongly, and I would try to get through to him about how some things just really aren’t worth fighting about. Kids get so focused on something, and it can be hard to distract them from it. While he saw it as giving into her, I saw it as something that would pacify her that didn’t really mean much to me but obviously did to her.
We often clashed in terms of our styles.
We noticed that we didn't really have a united front. Sometimes we would try to correct each other, and it would not go over well. We learned how to talk to each other about things when we were not in the heat of it with the kids. My husband and I saw value in each other's approaches, and we began to join them together naturally.
Now that she’s gotten older and we have a son as well, I’ve noticed that our parenting styles have started to shift and blend together into something new.
It is my husband who now reminds me to calm down and pick my battles as I’m leaning toward being more strict. He is the one who reminds me to speak a little more kindly when I get upset about something, instead of the other way around.
There is a fine line between discipline and grace that can be hard to navigate sometimes.
In fact, us having different parenting styles really isn't the biggest problem for our family. In many ways, it's helping situations go more smoothly.
By having each other to keep each of us in check, my husband and I have grown as parents. There is a definite balancing act going on. When one of us is super cranky, the other is suddenly more understanding while the first calms down. We recognize when and how to back each other up when dealing with the kids. Because truly what matters is we want the same things for our kids in the end.
