My wife and I got lucky with our pediatrician. He had all the qualities you might like in a doctor when you’re suddenly at home … with a brand new baby … for the first time ever. It’s incredible and terrifying all at once. So to have a calm and collected adult with all the answers in your corner is priceless. Dr. Moskowitz provided all the usual information parents with a newborn baby would need as you’d expect of a pro. But, he also turned us on to the cry it out method of sleep training, which is precisely why we were so lucky. As surely any new parent can relate, figuring out sleep with your first born — or really any new baby — can be an exercise in staggering futility. We were no different, so when we asked the doc what to do, he shared the steps to sleep training.
Interestingly, when I looked up the cry it out or CIO method we used, Google informed me it is also known as “full extinction”. Had it been described as such at the time, we would likely have gone a different route, and man would our lives have looked different.
Without a doubt, letting your kid cry it out can be brutal. I’m sure science can back up the idea that parents have some kind of lizard brain response to their child crying and the need to soothe. Fighting against this hard-wired desire is hard, very hard. However, the results are 100% worth it. My wife and I went the CIO route with all three of our kiddos. And all three of them, now young teens, are excellent at sleeping. It sounds weird to suggest sleeping is an activity one can excel at, like playing soccer or driving their siblings crazy. But if you want me to brag about my kids’ abilities, sleeping is #1.
To this day — about 14 years later — when my son is toast, he simply states, “I’m going to bed”. Our two girls, once done screwing around with who-knows-what in the bathroom, head to their rooms and … go to sleep. For probably the last 10 years, or so, my wife and I can count on the 8 to 9 p.m. hour being just for us. That typically translates to dreamily romantic fantasies of passing out after 15 minutes of watching an episode of whatever on Netflix. BUT, it is OUR 15 minutes before passing out from exhaustion. It’s a chance to catch up on each other’s day, figure out what’s next, and enjoy a brief respite from the 100-mph wild ride that is child rearing.
Some say the cry it out method is barbaric, and if it was sold under the banner of full extinction, I’d probably be in that boat. Without a doubt, it’s not easy for the kids or the parents. That said, I’d absolutely do it all over again. The kids learn how to build resilience through self-soothing and take in a full night of sleep ,while the parents can take a breath and get themselves a good night’s sleep. I don’t know about you, but in our household, even a single night of good sleep has a positive next-day impact. After more than a decade of sleeping well, I can tell you the long-term impacts are VERY positive.
