Did you see the recent episode of This Is Us when mom Rebecca and dad Jack are exhausted from NOT letting one of their triplets — their son Kevin — cry himself to sleep (also known as cry it out)? Cry it out (CIO) is a sleep-training method that advocates letting your baby cry for varying periods of time before offering comfort. The goal is to get your baby to learn how to fall asleep on her own, so you can rest, too.
As the TV parents have pillow talk, they review the previous night where they both got less than two hours of sleep, “How is Kevin going to teach himself to sleep if every time he cries we rush in there to pick him up?” laments Jack to a weary Rebecca. “Tonight’s the night we let him cry it out.”
She’s not convinced but agrees, “OK, tonight’s the night.” Fast-forward to later that night and Jack holds firm that little Kevin needs to learn how to get through the night on his own, even though Rebecca feels Kevin needs them. Just as she’s about to enter his room and quell the crying, Kevin falls back asleep. Sleep-training victory!
Later in the episode, we see Kevin present-day as a dashing yet needy Hollywood actor who gets his feelings hurt when a film director doesn’t dote over his acting skills. Not that it’s right or wrong, but it seems This Is Us is showing us how that little crying Kevin grows up to be an adult who still needs constant reassurance in his personal and professional life.
Does letting a baby cry to sleep — or not — really have that intense of an effect on who they become as kids? As adults?
Let’s check out some of the studies that say crying himself to sleep helps a baby, and the others that say letting your newborn cry it out is just bad parenting. Also, we look at when to know if excessive crying in newborns can be a sign of a bigger problem.
The CIO Methods
“Cry it out” is a general term used to describe several different methods that involve letting a baby cry as she learns to fall asleep on her own. There’s the Ferber method which encourages parents to only check on the baby in specific time increments when she's crying. Other sleep training programs that involve varying degrees of crying it out, including Weissbluth’s method, Murkoff’s method, Hogg and Blau’s method, among others.
The Pros of Crying It Out
Those who support letting babies cry it out usually have found that CIO is a safe and harmless key to nighttime sleep success. Teaching your baby to fall asleep by himself, according to CIO supporters, allows for better sleep habits without stress.
Because it’s natural for babies — and adults — to wake up in the middle of the night, the CIO method trains your little one to get back to sleep on his own. The baby will learn independence and how to start relying on himself.
Studies have also shown that CIO methods reduce the amount of cortisol (the stress hormone) in a baby’s system, which helps him build a resistance to stress. If your baby can learn to self-soothe, it’s reported that he will stress less in the long run.
A 2016 study focused on the emotional effects of letting babies cry. The results didn’t show any long-lasting trauma. This study specifically looked at sleep training methods that involve graduated extinction, where parents are able to respond to cries in set intervals. The researchers also found that the babies who cried actually fell asleep faster and were also more likely to sleep through the night than the control group.
The Cons of Crying It Out
Critics of letting a baby cry for periods of time without parental involvement feel that crying can be damaging to babies.
One study suggested that babies become more securely attached to their mothers (this specific study only looked at mothers) when nighttime interactions are positive. When babies are picked up and soothed when they wake up crying, they are more “consistent, sensitive and responsive.”
It’s also said that CIO can negatively affect the bond between mother and baby. Since the first few years of your baby’s life is when you show the most love and care, the baby will no longer see the mother as her protector as she is crying it out.
Those who are against the CIO methods, argue that letting babies cry creates an imbalance in their cortisol levels, which can lead to a negative effect on babies during the day, also affecting brain development and physical growth. Other studies have claimed that CIO methods cause babies to feel neglected and exhibit bad behavior as they grow.
It’s also debated that CIO methods have a negative effect on breastfeeding. The more the baby is being fed, the more milk is produced by mom. It’s said that there is typically a shorter supply of breast milk using a cry it out method because the baby is being trained to sleep fast and may not breastfeed as much. Additionally, if your baby can't self-soothe relatively quickly, it is thought that constant, excessive crying can cause elevated blood pressure levels.
How to Start a CIO Method
If you’re interested in starting sleep-training, talk to your child’s pediatrician before starting any of these methods to make sure your child will be getting the proper amount of sleep.
A simple way to start a CIO method.
- Establish the sleep routine that you’ll be following to signal bedtime is coming. You may want to play soft music, give your child a bath, read a bedtime story, and/or dim the lights in the home or bedroom.
- Place your child in his crib to sleep on his back. Please don’t use the CIO method on a swaddled baby.
- Monitor your baby after you’ve left their room via a video or audio monitor. Either he’ll go right to sleep or he’ll be awake. Here’s when you follow whichever method you’re using. You might go in his room to briefly soothe him or keep an eye or ear on him with the monitor.
- Make sure your baby is safe and not crying for some other reason, like he has a soiled diaper, is sick, teething, hungry, or otherwise uncomfortable.
- If everything is OK, stay consistent. Cry it out methods are exhausting, but if you think this is what’s best for your baby — and you — stick with it. Things will work if you stay committed.
Excessive Crying Red Flags
Crying is an important way for infants to communicate. But, when a baby cries a lot, it may be a sign of something that needs treatment.
Infants normally cry about one to three hours a day. It is perfectly normal for an infant to cry when hungry, thirsty, tired, lonely, or in pain. It is also normal for a baby to have a fussy period in the evening. But if an infant cries too often, there might be a health problem that needs attention. Also, be aware of situations where those long crying spells may actually be a real cry for help, such as illness or pain.
For excessive crying in infants always check for possible causes of pain or discomfort in a crying baby. When cloth diapers are used, look for diaper pins that have become loose or loose threads that have become tightly wrapped around fingers or toes. Diaper rashes also can be uncomfortable.
Call your pediatrician if a baby's excessive crying is unexplained and does not go away in one day, despite attempts at home treatment.
The Bottom Line
To cry it out or not? Some babies are just born good sleepers, and others need to learn how to sleep better. There are no guarantees. If you have concerns about your baby’s sleep habits, don’t hesitate to make an appointment with your pediatrician.
*Disclaimer: The advice on Cafemom is not a substitute for consultation with a medical professional or treatment for a specific condition. You should not use this information to diagnose or treat a health problem without consulting a qualified professional. Please contact your health-care provider with questions and concerns.
