Everyone has a different style of parenting, but sometimes it deviates so far outside the norm, it can border on being "unsafe." At least, that's what comes to mind for one dad when he details his wife's upbringing.
Although he thought his wife wanted to raise kids their own way, it turns out that she's been getting influenced by her mom, and the dad is not happy.
The dad began by giving some backstory on their 4-year relationship.
"We have a two year old son and she’s pregnant with our daughter," he noted. "My wife is an amazing person and we usually see eye to eye on most things. She was raised in a very untraditional way. Her parents are very … eccentric to say the least. Their parenting style was very weird."
How his in-laws were "untraditional" was pretty much like free-range parenting on steroids.
"They’re both therapists (her father legally can’t practice anymore though) and my wife and all her siblings have been in therapy since they were three and could talk," he explained.
"First a child therapist, then a normal therapist when she turned 10. Her parents say that all children should be in therapy and it should continue on their entire lives. It will 'eliminate any chance of mental illness and they will function like adults from the start of life.' My wife has been in therapy for her entire life and she still goes to this day. Her parents had no rules about anything in their household because they felt like their children were responsible and would always make the right decisions."
He provided some pretty wild examples to explain his in-law's parenting choices.
"For example, my wife would leave and bike to her friends house and spent the weekend there when she was 12 without informing her parents and they wouldn’t ask a single question when she would come home," he claimed.
"They trusted that she would tell her therapist if anything bad had happened to her and that she 'isn’t just their child but a being that shouldn’t be controlled.' They rented an apartment in their name and let my wife live there by herself when she was fifteen. My wife doesn’t even call her parents mom and dad, she calls them by their first names and she has since she was born. Her parents constantly remind her that she’s not 'their' child, but her own entity and can’t be owned."
In spite of all of this, his wife came out "pretty normal," and he though that they had established long ago they wouldn't be treating their kids the same way.
"We agreed that our kids wouldn’t be put in therapy unless they needed it (grades slipping, behavior changes) etc," he clarified. "And that our kids are ours to discipline and her upbringing about being able to do whatever they want with no questions is just ridiculous."
However, since his MIL temporarily moved in because of hip surgery, he's noticed some significant changes in his wife's parenting.
"Ever since she’s been around, my wife seems to be going back on her word," he wrote. "I caught her telling our son to call her by her first name and not 'Mom' and she even said that maybe starting our son in therapy is the right decision for his mental health. He’s three! He doesn’t need therapy.
"My mother in law is saying that I’m 'promoting toxic masculinity' and that I think I control my son and can tell him what to do and that he will eventually need therapy because of me if I don’t allow him to be free. I told her and my wife that her upbringing was weird and I’m not continuing it and they’re saying I’m insensitive and my wife turned out fine."
He wants to know if he was out of line for putting his foot down.
People said the dad was within his full rights to be very wary ...
"You need to have a very serious conversation with your wife about why her mother’s presence suddenly changes everything you two agreed to," advised one user. "Also the hilarious mental gymnastics of a therapist advocating therapy to avoid therapy. What it sounds like is that your in-laws outsourced the raising of their child to a therapist. They had money, but didn’t care to actually be parents, so they paid a guy to handle the tough stuff and then neglected her.
"Self-sufficiency is one thing — intentionally neglecting your kids and holding them at arms’ length is flat-out bad parenting," the person continued. "The legal system has a term for what they did — neglect. How incredibly selfish of them. And now she waltzes into your home, waves her hand, and suddenly mom is 'Jane' and the kids need therapy to avoid therapy? Gimme a break."
Others acknowledged they weren't against the therapy portion, but they did say the way his in-laws went about it was all wrong.
"Therapy is always always a good thing no matter the age," wrote one reader. "But the no rules thing sounds like your wife was neglected. Don't do this for your kids, they need to be punished (properly not like the old days) and RAISED. A child is definitely their own person but they are still children. They need time to grow, learn right from wrong. They won't learn that on their own."
