Dad Says He Was Judged for Changing Son’s Diaper in Women’s Restroom

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A dad found himself in a difficult situation when he was shopping with his 5-year-old son and needed to change his diaper. Naturally, he first looked for a family restroom that would have a changing table in it, but there was no family restroom in sight. Situations like these can pose a challenge for men who are trying to split child care duties more equitably with their partners.

While research suggests that, in general, men spend more time on parenting now than they did in the past, a lot of child care responsibilities still fall on moms in heterosexual relationships.

Men and women still don't quite agree about who is more involved in parenting.

According to the Pew Research Center, women are more likely to say that they take on more child care responsibilities than their significant other (in cohabiting, opposite-sex relationships). Meanwhile, men are more likely to report that they share responsibilities equally with their significant other.

When it comes to taking care of "children's basic needs like feeding, bathing, or changing diapers," 57% of mothers said they did these tasks more often than their partner. Only 35% of fathers said the mother did more of these tasks, and 56% percent of fathers said they shared these responsibilities equally with their partner.

In this man's case, he couldn't find a place to change his baby's diaper while out in public.

Of course, there are many, many reasons for this unequal division of labor. However, one dad's story on Reddit illustrates how the way spaces are designed could exacerbate these issues. The dad went into the men's restroom because he couldn't find a family restroom. The men's restroom did not have a changing table and didn't even have a counter.

He asked a store employee for help, thinking that there must be a family restroom somewhere.

Unsure of what to do, the dad found a store employee and asked where he could find a changing table to change his son's diaper. He was shopping at a "large" store, so he assumed that there might be more bathrooms in a different part of the store.

The employee told him that there were changing tables in the bathrooms, and took him back to the same restrooms he had just checked.

The dad told the employee that there was no changing table there and she told him to check again.

The dad explained to the employee that he had already been in that bathroom, and that there was no changing table there. The store employee told him to check again, so he did.

"I was annoyed, but I went back in the men's room. No changing table," the dad explained. "When I came out the employee was gone. Keep in mind, my son has been in his poopy diaper this whole time."

Desperate at this point, he went into the women's restroom.

Knowing that the women's restroom would have a changing table, he decided to go into the bathroom with his son. However, the women using that restroom were not happy about it. "Wrong bathroom, buddy," one woman said to him. However, once he explained the situation to her, she empathized and said, "Bro, that sucks."

The dad said he tried to change his baby's diaper quickly and hoped that no one else would walk into the bathroom.

A woman walked in and told him to get out.

He was almost ready to leave the bathroom when another woman walked in. "Get out! You can't be here!" she shouted when she saw him. She then left the bathroom, and the dad saw her talking to a store employee after he left the bathroom.

"The employee tried to wave me down and stop me, but I rushed out to my car, buckled my son into his carseat and left," the dad explained. He told this story to some women in his family. His wife supported him, but his mom called him an "idiot."

Many said that a man changing a baby's diaper in a women's restroom is not alarming.

Obviously the situation is not ideal, but many Redditors told the man that he did nothing wrong — "the baby comes first," one person pointed out.

Another person said they had always assumed that men's bathrooms also had changing tables, but then started hearing more and more stories like this one.

"If I saw a man walk into the women's bathroom with a baby, I wouldn't even think twice," another person responded. "Stores need to be more open to the fact that dad's change diapers too."

Alternative options would've created more work for women.

Many Redditors were also confused by the man's mom's perspective. "What does your mom suggest you should have done?" one person asked. The man's response was shocking.

"She said I should have asked the lady washing her hands or the female employee I first spoke with to change him for me and wait right outside," the dad explained. "I feel like that would have been a bit entitled though. 'Hey, random woman I don't know, change my baby's poopy diaper.'"

Other Redditors suggested asking the employee or another woman to stand outside the bathroom while he changed the baby's diaper to let people know there was a man in there. Sounds like all those alternatives just create more responsibility for women — women he didn't even know.