A dad has turned to Reddit looking for some advice after his 19-year-old daughter confessed she was pregnant with her “scumbag” boyfriend’s baby.
When he learned the news, the original poster was livid, and when she refused to give her unborn baby up for adoption, he was so angry he kicked her out of the house. But now he’s having second thoughts and asked the internet if he took things way too far.
The 41-year-old dad broke it all down in a recent post on the AITA forum.
According to the dad, his teen daughter recently told him and his wife that she’s been hiding her pregnancy “for 3 months.”
“The boyfriend is a scumbag who I thought she left after I gave her an ultimatum to either leave him or leave my house, to which she chose the latter or at least I thought she did,” he explained in his post.
His daughter immediately started “sobbing” and apologizing — “telling us how sorry she was and that it was just a big mistake.”
So the OP laid down another ultimatum — she could stay in their house if she gave her baby up for adoption “because we won’t allow it to ruin her life” or she’d have to leave.
“She just kept pleading to us that she’ll take care of it, but I had a very hard time believing her after I just found out she’s been lying to me for months and going behind my back to see her boyfriend,” he added.
In the end, his daughter refused to give up the baby.
So he delivered on his promise and she’s been staying with a friend ever since.
The OP’s wife was “incredibly sad” over the fight and told the OP “what I did was wrong,” he wrote. But in his eyes, it was a hard decision he had to make so she wouldn’t “walk away without any consequences.”
“At her age I was already taking care of myself so I don’t look at it the same way others might,” he explained.
“Is it really wrong for me to kick my adult daughter out of my house after she lied to me?” he asked. “I’m willing to see if I’ve taken things too far.”
Some people in the comments thought the OP was the one who needed the boot.
“[You’re the A–hole],” one person commented. “You kicked a pregnant girl out of the house. Under no circumstances is that okay.”
“[You’re the A–hole],” another person fumed. “‘Allow her to walk away without any consequences???’ She’s about to be a single mother, for f—‘s sake. If there was ever a time to show your daughter compassion and unconditional love, it is NOW. Invite her over, sit her down, apologize and tell her how much you love her, and how you’ll be by her side no matter what. Please be kind to her right now. I’m here to tell you, she needs that from her daddy.”
“[You’re the A–hole],” decided another commenter, who also saw something in the original post worth mentioning: “Anyone else catch that this was apparently a unilateral decision that the wife disagreed with? You generally don’t get to parent solo when you have a partner. This should have been discussed and agreed upon, before even getting into how s—– your other behavior was.”
Other commenters agreed that this was the only way to show his daughter how to know right from wrong.
One commenter advised: “[Not the A–hole]. You would end up raising it and paying for eternity.”
“[Not the A–hole],” someone else added. “Now she can be a real adult and take responsibility for her decisions. Luckily she has six months to find job and place to live.”
“This is going to be unpopular, but [Not the A–hole],” a third commenter chimed in. “My parents kicked me out at 18 for much less, and I had to grow up fast. I got my s— together, went back to college, graduated and have a stable job with great benefits now. My relationship with my parents have improved infinitely because I finally took responsibility and stopped being a brat. This will be a very harsh lesson and teach her to take accountability for her poor choices. Her boyfriend can deal with her now.”
Others shared their own experiences of being young and pregnant.
“My parents did this when they didn’t like my boyfriend,” wrote one person. “And I left. But you know what happened when I found out I was pregnant? I was in an abusive relationship and my parents had no idea, all they knew was that I was asking to come back home. And they let me. Because they didn’t want me to face it alone. You may think you’re helping your daughter, but you’re only hurting her so much more. I really hope you read these comments and call your daughter, apologize, and let her come back home. You and her mom are her safe place. Right now she is young, she is scared, and you don’t know if this man is abusive or not.”
Someone else shared: “I also got pregnant at 19. Shocker, the father wasn’t great. But I was an ‘adult’ so I made peace with the fact this happened and decided to keep the baby. However, I knew my strict Asian dad would freak out and I didn’t tell him for months. I went through my pregnancy mostly alone and unsupported. When he found out he naturally flipped out. Called me every name in the book and reinforced my decision to not tell him. I never felt so alone in my life when in reality this was the time I needed family the most. I still spoke to my dad but I moved out and kept away from my dad for a long time. Which he was hurt by of course. But what choice did I have?
“Fast forward to now, it’s been 15 years. My son is amazing and my dad loves him,” the person continued. “I know he felt enraged by how he thought my life would be ruined. But my life turned out awesome. But there’s a part of me that really still feels like I’m not safe to tell my dad things. I don’t tell him when I need help. I don’t even think he’d be on my top 5 to tell if I got pregnant again. Yes, I had to struggle but I made it work. That is life.”
“You are the a–hole right now but you know you can tell your daughter she can’t have the baby in your house without kicking her out now right?” another person asked. “I was in her same spot, 19, pregnant, deadbeat baby daddy, and my parents made it clear they loved me and supported my choices but I wasn’t raising my kid in their house. However they gave me my whole pregnancy and helped me get a stable job so I could save for a place. At 7 months pregnant I moved into my own place. I am thankful they did that for me. It taught me responsibility, kept them from having to deal with a newborn, and showed me they supported me and loved me but needed me to be an adult now. I still go to them now when I need a babysitter or advice. However if they had just kicked me out I wouldn’t have had the support to do any of that and I sure as hell wouldn’t be asking them if they wanna see their grandkids now.”
After taking a long, hard look at the responses he received, the dad eventually had a change of heart.
As he explained in a follow-up post, many of the first-person experiences people shared really touched him.
“A lot of them were very heartbreaking and I didn’t know how to respond to them,” he admitted. “The post I made was only a couple days after I had evicted my daughter, so the wounds were still very fresh and I may have been a bit emotional when typing it in.”
Since their fight, the OP’s daughter has returned home and agreed to give the baby up for adoption and break up with her boyfriend.
“I asked her if she was okay and comfortable with this decision,” he wrote. “She told me she realized it’s probably best for her and the baby.”
He could also tell that his daughter was a little depressed from all of this and decided to sign them up for some therapy sessions together.
“I love my daughter as much as it didn’t resonate in that [last] post and want what’s best for her,” he continued. “I’m glad she was able to see the light out of the tunnel and can now continue to focus on more important things, such as her studies and church work.”
He concluded: “Thank you to everyone who commented, whether it was for or against me, I learned a lot from the feedback I received.”
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