From the toothpaste splatters on the mirror and strands of hair in the shower drain to the unsightly stains on the toilet seats, bathrooms are the grossest part of our home.
Fortunately, we have more than one full bathroom in our house. I use the en suite bathroom and my husband uses the one on the main floor. Use means everything, from bathing, showering, number twos, flossing, shaving to trimming nose hairs.
Having separate bathrooms is probably one of the things that has kept our marriage intact. We are fully responsible for maintaining our own bathrooms. Neither one of us wants to clean the other’s nastiness. I don’t get to see his crap and he doesn’t get to see mine.
The only time we go into each other’s bathrooms is when we need to do something for the kids.
Recently, my husband was giving our son a bath in my bathroom. As he’s finishing up, I grab the dirty clothes to wash.
He side-eyes me. Then under his breath, he makes a comment about how if I took a minute every day to wipe the counter and rinse the sink after I brushed my teeth, it wouldn’t be so dirty. My neck and ears are hot with rage.
First, how dare he suggest how I use my time!
As a busy working mom who is barely holding it together, I don’t have the luxury of time. And when I do have a moment to myself, I don’t need someone telling me how I spend that time.
Plus, I clean all the freaking time. I’m constantly putting away toys, wiping down counters, sweeping crumbs off the floor, putting clothes away, and doing the laundry. I don’t have a minute in my day to add another thing to my list.
But then I start to get upset with myself as these questions start to bubble up.
Do I really not have a minute to do this every day? Where am I spending my time?
I prioritize cleaning the kitchen and living room because those are our shared living spaces.
Our family spends most of our time in these areas and I want to make sure everyone has a neat and tidy area to live, work, and play.
I am vigilant about keeping the kitchen clean because one of my biggest fears is for my family to get food poisoning from my cooking. I still get nightmares thinking about the week I recovered from the norovirus.
So how come the whole house is clean except my bathroom?
I don’t spend a lot of time in my bathroom. When I’m in there, everything is rushed. My showers feel like a cheap, express car wash … lather, rinse, no time to repeat. When I’m brushing my teeth, I’m always trying to do something else with my free hand, like putting away the bath toys or picking up a wet towel off the floor.
I do everything as quickly as I can so I can come back, switch with my husband and start the bedtime routines.
There are often times my daughter will be outside my door, impatiently waiting for me to finish so I can play with her. I can’t stay another a minute to wipe down the counter or rinse the sink because I’m needed elsewhere.
Does my dirty sink reflect how little I’m taking care of myself?
Prioritizing my mental health means putting time towards things that will actually recharge me, not cleaning my dirty sink. Taking care of myself means using my limited free time to do some real self-care, like practicing yoga, working out, meditating and/or writing, as I’m doing right now.
Soon, there will be a day when the kids are grown and I can take as long as I want in the bathroom.
No taking turns with my husband. No screams and cries for their dear mom. No little feet pacing outside my door. No sudden noises of toys crashing to the ground.
I’ll clean the damn sink when my kids don’t need me as much. For now, I’ll embrace the toothpaste stains and hairs. Oh, and I told my husband that since he thinks it would only take a minute every day to clean my sink, he can take that minute from his day to clean it.
