When it comes to problematic behavior from heterosexual men, labor and delivery nurses have truly seen it all — and some of the “red flags” they’ve witnessed are even more disheartening than you might imagine. A recent report from Buzzfeed sheds light on the wild things nurses have seen unsupportive husbands do while their partners are giving birth.
According to the report, it’s unfortunately not all that uncommon for men to fall asleep, make inappropriate comments, or center their own experience while their wives and partners are giving birth.
This problematic behavior is reportedly unique to straight men.
Several labor and delivery nurses revealed to Buzzfeed that of all the couples who came into the hospital, they only witnessed straight men being so unsupportive and judgmental.
Of course, this is extremely disappointing and hurtful for women who go into the hospital expecting a certain level of support from their partners. North Carolina-based nurse Jen Hamilton told the news outlet that she sees many women come in with “so much hope” that their partners will meet their needs.
Then, what actually happens is hard to witness. “It’s just so devastating to watch somebody who you know had these really high expectations and then they weren’t met,” she said.
These problematic behaviors include sleeping, playing games, and outright leaving.
Honestly, sleeping during your wife’s active labor already sounds bad enough. Even though it’s the most common problematic behavior that labor and delivery nurses have witnessed, however, it’s not necessarily the worst. Some men have found other ways to not be at all present for their partners, such as by being fully immersed in video games with headsets on.
Hamilton says she even witnessed a man “go to Best Buy while his wife or girlfriend is in labor and get a 55-inch screen monitor and bring it to the hospital.”
Another nurse, Yancy Guzmán, said she saw a husband “abruptly” get up and leave, complaining that he had “been stuck in this room this whole day.”
“Meanwhile, his partner’s in the bed, who literally can’t leave the room, who’s the one doing all the hard things, and he’s turning it into this situation where it’s about him,” she recalled.
They’ve made some really offensive comments.
Sadly, even some of the husbands who stay physically present aren’t any more supportive. The labor and delivery nurses shared some of the disturbing comments they’ve heard men make in the hospital.
One nurse heard a dad complain about how his wife giving birth that day was “really inconvenient” for him. They’ve also heard men make judgments about how their partners choose to manage pain, with some men even telling their partners that they’re “being a wimp.”
And after childbirth, nurses hear some men make “incredibly inappropriate comments about sewing it up tighter.”
On Reddit, some women described having similar experiences.
Although many women have supportive partners who were there for them when they gave birth, lots of other women have had negative experiences like the ones described in the Buzzfeed story.
On Reddit, one mom wrote, “My then husband got upset with me that I didn’t pack anything for him when we went in for my induction. He laughed during my contractions. After a long birth and eventual -C-section, he went to sleep and slept through all night even when the baby was crying.”
“My husband complained about how tired he was the entire time,” a second woman shared. “Meanwhile, the baby wouldn’t stay on the monitor so every 30 minutes for over 24 hours, the nurse came in to find baby’s heartbeat while he slept in the chair.”
And a third woman wrote, “My child’s father had gone downstairs and didn’t come back up with me in the room for literal hours. Pretty sure he left while I was in active labor and that was really something else.”
For these women and others, unfortunately, giving birth showed them that their relationships wouldn’t last.
On the other hand, having a supportive partner can have the opposite effect. “My husband’s behavior during labor and postpartum made me realize I married the right man,” one mom with a supportive husband shared. “My husband kept fighting for me…I feel like this is a normal way for a man to behave when a woman is giving birth to your baby.”
