When a woman is in labor, it is an emotional experience. Even with all of the preparation in the world, you have to be ready for anything when it comes. That’s why there’s usually a specific person or people you want in the delivery room, usually including a spouse or partner. You need someone who you trust by your side during the overwhelming time.
A woman on Reddit asked for advice after her husband abandoned her at the hospital during labor and delivery. She wants to end their relationship, but there are members of her family trying to convince her to take him back, and she can’t decide what the right choice is.
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The relationship was going well, but suddenly, the husband changed.
The woman explained in her AITA post on Reddit that she and her husband “Jake” have been together for six years and married for three. When they learned she was pregnant, the couple was “ecstatic,” but it wasn’t totally smooth sailing.
“I had severe morning sickness, gestational diabetes, and was generally miserable. But Jake was supportive and sweet the whole way through, which made it bearable,” she explained.
As she got closer to delivery, her husband's behavior became concerning.
“As we got closer to my due date, we discussed birth plans. I was adamant that I wanted Jake in the delivery room. I needed his support, and he’d always agreed. However, a few weeks before my due date, Jake started acting strange. He was distant, distracted, and wouldn’t engage in any baby-related discussions. I thought he was just anxious about becoming a dad, so I didn’t press him too much,” she explained.
But everything changed on the day she went into labor, the woman explained that things took a turn she couldn’t have anticipated.
“The day I went into labor, Jake drove me to the hospital but seemed off. He was quiet and kept checking his phone. When we got there, he pulled the nurse aside and spoke to her privately. She came back and told me Jake wouldn’t be in the delivery room because he was ‘uncomfortable with blood and medical procedures.’ I was stunned. He’d never mentioned this before. I begged him to stay, told him I needed him, but he just kept saying, ‘I can’t do this.'”
Her husband fully abandoned her while she was in labor.
“Labor was long, painful, and traumatic. I was alone the entire time except for the medical staff. When our son was finally born, I was exhausted, emotionally and physically. The nurse handed me my son, and all I felt was a deep sadness that Jake wasn’t there to share this moment,” the woman shared.
“After I was taken to a recovery room, I asked the nurse to get Jake. She came back and said he’d left the hospital hours ago. I couldn’t believe it. I called him repeatedly, but he didn’t answer. Finally, I sent him a text saying I was done and he could find his own way home.”
She then said that she didn’t see her husband until the next day. “He showed up at the hospital with flowers and an apology, saying he’d panicked and needed some air. He claimed he’d gone home to shower and change and fell asleep, which i didn’t buy for a second,” she explained.
The woman shared that despite her husband’s apologies, she made him leave and spent the rest of her time at the hospital alone with her son.
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She thinks their relationship is damaged beyond repair, but her family thinks she's wrong.
The woman shared that since her son’s birth, her husband has been “trying to make amends” by taking parenting classes, going to therapy, and trying to show her that he can be a good partner and parent.
“But I can’t shake the feeling of betrayal. He abandoned me at one of the most vulnerable moments of my life. Every time I look at him, I remember being alone in that delivery room, terrified and in pain, wondering why the person who promised to be by my side wasn’t there,” she confessed.
However, she says her family’s opinions on the situation are “split.” She wrote, “Some think I’m being too hard on Jake, that he made a mistake and is clearly remorseful,” adding that he’s proven he can be a good partner and husband. The others believe that what he did was “unforgivable” and she would never be able to truly trust him again, which isn’t a good foundation for a marriage.
She stated that she is “torn” because of the love she has for him, but she also wonders if she’ll “ever get over this.”
Most of the commenters are on her side.
The comments overwhelmingly supported the woman in her concerns that her husband will not be the kind of man her and her son need in the future.
“I would never ever be able to get past this,” someone wrote. “Ever. He’s shown you that when push comes to shove, he thinks of only himself, not you and not your child.”
“Personally, in your position I wouldn’t have him back at all,” another commented. “Not just because he wasn’t at the birth, but because of the way it happened, which left you abandoned with nobody at the most vulnerable moment of your life. There could’ve been an emergency. Women and babies still die during childbirth more often than you might think, and he wouldn’t have been there for either of you.”
Someone else wrote: “He kept checking his phone while you were in labour and then did a disappearing act? Yeah those people in your life who say he is a good father and partner need to be asking who had his unwavering attention to the point he abandoned you and your child? I would be checking his phone/computer and past behavior for answers.”
“Only you know the details of what your marriage is truly like, but in your shoes I’d have given the nurse a note to give him in the hospital that he was to be completely moved out before baby and I came home,” another person suggested. “What he did is unforgivable, and it lets you know that in the future, when your health and safety are on the line, he won’t be there.”
Another comment reads: “What is wrong with your family? If my husband did what yours did, they’d be up in arms about me ever speaking to him again, not encouraging me to forgive a person who abandoned both mother and child. He is NOT a good father, let alone a good partner. Get away from him and insist that he only has supervised visitation due to his clear inability to be a parent.”
These stories are based on posts found on Reddit. Reddit is a user-generated social news aggregation, web content rating, and discussion website where registered members submit content to the site and can up- or down-vote the content. The accuracy and authenticity of each story cannot be confirmed by our staff.
