Being a first-time mom is a difficult transition. No matter how much you think you know, nothing can prepare you for having to take complete and total care of another person. It is both physically and emotionally overwhelming. Having a supportive partner to help lighten the load is such a welcome blessing.
But sometimes after a woman gives birth, she doesn't feel seen by her partner. Her body has gone through trauma, and she's trying to feel like herself again, all while caring for her baby.
A new mom explained in Reddit's AITA forum that she is experiencing a rough transition after having her first baby, Olivia. Now, her husband, Jake, wants to go out of town for a "bros only" trip and leave her and the baby behind. He told the original poster if it was too much for her to handle, he'd stay home. But should she?
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Being a new mom has been tough on OP.
She expected the transition to be a challenge, but it's been a much bumpier road than OP anticipated. Jake and his friends planned the trip before Olivia was born, with the condition that he would stay home if OP didn't feel comfortable being alone. She thought she'd be OK but really wants Jake to stay home.
"Last week, I asked Jake if he could consider canceling the trip, reminding him of his promise. I told him that I'm struggling and that having him gone for a whole week would be really tough on me. He seemed surprised and a bit hurt that I was asking him to cancel. He said he's been looking forward to this trip for months, and that he needs a break, too. He also pointed out that his parents live nearby and could help if I needed support while he was away," she wrote.
OP needs a break just as much as Jake.
She wrote that she understands Jake's need for some time away and that she'd love a break, too. The couple ended up at a standstill, with him thinking it was OK to go and OP saying it was too soon. She looked to Redditors for advice.
"So AITA for asking my husband to cancel his 'bro's only' trip to help me with our newborn after he promised he would?" she asked.
No one seemed to have much sympathy for Jake.
Redditors quickly reminded OP that she gave birth, not her husband.
Like this person who wrote: "Good lord…. That this is even a question, I mean it makes me sad that you had a child with this man. NTA. Your husband is ridiculous. Absolutely ridiculous. That he even WANTS to go is beyond me."
And this one who commented: "NTA, hubby needs to grow up. Pregnancy, childbirth and early parenthood are absolutely unfair. He just seems to be confused about who they are unfair for. You were pregnant for 9+ months. You gave birth. You had to deal with the physical effects of giving birth. Your hormones are still not back to normal. You're breastfeeding. All of that is on top of the shared challenges you both face as the parents of an infant. So expecting to be able to take a week long break, when your co-parent probably won't be able to have a similar length break for MONTHS, is unfair."
OP came back with an update.
She read through the comments, realized she wasn't overreacting and felt validated. She had a bit of an emotional breakdown and decided that she and Jake needed to talk. OP wrote that Jake and his dad don't have a great relationship, and as soon as she told him her frustration, he made a promise.
"Jake told me to calm down and assured me that he wasn't going anywhere. Then he got really emotional—he even started to tear up. He said he didn't want to turn into his dad, and that he hadn't realized that going on this trip could be a preliminary step toward becoming the absentee father he feared he might be. He apologized for not considering me and Olivia as much as he should have," she wrote.
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Jake chose his girls over his bros.
Thankfully, OP and Jake were able to work things out, and Jake's trip is off. The family wants to spend time together, not apart. OP was so grateful for Reddit's help.
"Thanks again to everyone for your support and advice. It's been an emotional rollercoaster, but I'm grateful for this community helping me navigate it," she wrote.
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