I can barely get through looking at family photos pre-pandemic without thinking about what we should be doing now. We should be getting ready for summer vacation. We should be getting ready for our daughter to attend preschool come fall. We should be going to museums and zoos. We should be doing all of this and yet, here we are – nearly two years into the pandemic and nothing has seemingly changed.
The vaccine rollout here in Italy, where I live with my family, is going well, but unfortunately with so many unvaccinated and with the omicron variant making the rounds, we’re remaining very cautious. With a toddler who obviously can’t be vaccinated, this limits our freedom and our comfort.
I’m getting tired of this new normal, and I’m tired of feeling guilty about not feeling like I have the right to vent. This is not the way I imagined living my first couple of years of motherhood, and it’s making me really sad.
I have suffered from anxiety since I was a teenager.
The pandemic has obviously made it much worse, especially because I am a mother. I am constantly worrying how much the pandemic is affecting how my daughter is growing up because she has been completely isolated and closed off to the outside world. This isn’t normal. None of this is normal.
But I am lucky. I try to remind myself that every day – especially given everything that is going on in the world.
But why does my luck need to limit my emotions and prevent me from expressing my frustration, anger, and fear? There is a sort of an unspoken rule that people of good means have no right to complain, but I'd love the opportunity to vent in a safe space.
My daughter is 3 years old. For nearly half of her life, we have been navigating a pandemic. I’m mourning the years I thought I would have with her.
I pictured us going to zoos and museums and having mother-daughter lunches. I thought we would be going swimming and having big playdates with all our friends. I thought my daughter would be in school or day care by now. But I haven’t gotten to experience any of that.
Moms right now feel so much pressure of doing it all.
Working from home, cleaning, cooking, managing virtual learning, setting up Zoom playdates, making doctors’ appointments, sanitizing toys, etc. It’s a lot. We need a chance to vent, even if we’re considered some of the lucky ones.
We need to complain about things that might come off as silly or somewhat privileged. We need to be allowed that much, especially without being judged by others. Whether it’s venting to our husband, friends, family, or in the safe environment of an online group, we need that freedom.
We all feel the weight of all of this, the weight of the life we’re not living. And we should feel free to be open about all of the things we're feeling.
