10 Things Not To Panic Over as a New Mom From a ‘Veteran’ Mama

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When I was a new mom, I honestly had no idea how hard it would be on my mind and my body. A lot of the advice I got (from people who hadn’t had a baby in decades) was that it was easy, you bounce right back, and your body naturally knows what to do.

Tell that to my swollen vagina as I lay on my sofa with my crying baby in my arms — all that advice did was make me think there was something wrong with me and my mothering skills. This wasn’t easy by any means. Walking wasn’t easy, nursing him certainly wasn’t easy, and trying to not feel guilty every time he cried wasn’t easy.

Then, I went on to have more kids, which made me the mother to three kids in less than three years. I am here to tell you there are certain things you don’t need to panic about as a new mom because momming is extremely hard, it’s not one-size-fits-all, and so many things we go through are normal, yet no one is talking about them.

1. Where the baby sleeps.

Whether the baby sleeps next to you or in a different room, either is fine. There is no "right" answer. So long as it is safe for baby, however you and your child get the best sleep, that’s what you do.

All my kids slept in the same bed with me at one time or another. That’s what worked for us even though my pediatrician told me it was a mistake. The only mistake I made was not listening to my gut and thinking I had to make my child sleep in a crib when he didn’t want to. Instead, he cried for hours, I cried for hours, and no one slept. Do what works for you, period.

2. If the baby cries while mom takes a shower.

As long as you know they aren’t hungry, have a soiled diaper, and they are safe, please take a shower. I know it’s not as relaxing as you’d like it to be, but if showering and a change of clothes makes you feel more like yourself, please don’t think you are hurting your child by doing that. The baby will be fine, I promise. My baby used to cry when I’d take my morning shower, even though he was strapped in his bouncy seat 2 feet away from the shower and I was staring at him the entire time.

He is now 6’1’, 18 years old, and barely talks to me. They. Will. Be. Fine.

3. If the baby sleeps through the night and the diaper leaks.

Don’t feel bad about stuff like this. There is no need to wake a sleeping baby. If the child is sleeping soundly, don’t beat yourself up because you didn’t risk that slumber by putting on a clean diaper. If babies are uncomfortable, they wake up.

4. Needing time away from the child.

This is normal — please remember this. It doesn’t mean you don’t love your child; it doesn’t mean you aren't a good mom. We all need a break, and we miss the way our life used to be before we were a mom. Take the time away, even if it’s for a 10-minute walk when someone else can be with the little one.

5. If their penis disappears.

This happens more than I knew. My third child’s penis would literally disappear and I panicked. No one told me this might happen. Some babies are born with a fat pad around their penis. There are times when their little twig likes to snuggle down in there.

The first time this happened, I called my doctor in sheer panic. She told me to place two fingers on either side and gently press down. It emerged and it was fine. This happened for many years and did eventually stop. Please know this is very alarming but also very normal.

6. If there's a need to ask a question that seems obvious.

Don’t think you aren’t a good parent because you aren’t sure how to warm the bottle, if you should wake the baby up for a feeding, or how many layers are required to keep the baby at the right temperature. You have never done this before.

7. If the doctor recommends something that rubs the wrong way.

My pediatrician told me to lose my child’s pacifier and stop nursing him to sleep. That didn’t work for me, and I began to panic thinking I was going to mess him up for life.

I tried to stop these two things that gave him great comfort, and it was a nightmare for both of us. I went back to doing what worked and he used my breast to fall asleep for almost a year and had a pacifier until he was 4.

That same child works full time, just fixed my snowblower, and sleeps more than anyone I know. I’d say he did just fine even though I didn’t listen to his doctor.

8. If breastfeeding is hard.

Breastfeeding is hard for some moms, it just is. It was excruciating for me. My friends had an easy time, though, and I thought it was something I was doing wrong. It took me a while, but I got the hang of it. If I could go back, I would have used formula. That’s how hard and painful it was for me.

You don’t have to nurse, or you can quit whenever you want. Again, there’s no need to panic if you aren’t breastfeeding your child or it is taking you a while to get comfortable with it.

9. If pee leaks out.

After you have a vaginal birth or a C-section, your body isn’t the same. If you’ve had a catheter, there can be side effects. I peed my pants one day while I was washing dishes at the sink and had no idea I even had to go.

I’m not saying don’t contact your doctor but don’t panic. After I called mine, she said, “Oh yeah, that can happen.”

It would have been nice if I’d known that ahead of time so I wouldn't have run around the house screaming, but oh well. It was an experience.

10. If anxious or blue feelings develop.

Again, I’m not saying to ignore this — you should definitely talk to your doctor. I am telling you not to panic or to think that you are the only one who feels this way, because it affects a lot of people after giving birth. I had postpartum anxiety after my oldest and had no idea what was happening to me. I did panic about it and instead of talking to someone, I pushed through it, which wasn't the best thing to do.

If you are experiencing the blues, depression, or elevated anxiety, please know that help exists and it’s really important you ask for it with zero shame.

Having a baby and being a new mom brings such a mixed bag of feelings. Be gracious with yourself and remember: You need to do what’s best for you and your child.