There is no denying it; my body has changed — a lot! — since I’ve become a mother. Before I became a parent, I remember hearing a few of my girlfriends, who’d already had kids, chat about their inability to get rid of that lower belly pooch. At the time, I thought, “Please! I’ll never have that problem. If my stomach doesn’t feel tight, I’ll work on my abs one day next week, and they’ll bounce right back.” (Yes, it took about one workout session to gain a six-pack back then.)
Now I think, "WTF (as in when the you know what) will my abs ever return?!" I ask myself that WTF question a lot these days. But I’ve also started wondering: When it comes to my body, what is my goal? Is it to drop down to a size 8 again, which was my pre-baby size? (I’m now a 12.) Or is it to accept and love the bod I have now?
About two weeks after giving birth back in 2015 …
… I Velcroed a waist trainer around me, determined to get a jumpstart on getting my postpartum body back to normal. But I’d had a C-section, and the hole in my stomach was still healing. Needless to say, the waist trainer hurt like a, well, you know. So, I tucked it away. My daughter is now 5, and I’ve worn the thing probably two good times. It’s fair to say my priorities have shifted a bit.
I used to worry so much about how I’d be seen in a certain dress, pair of pants, or bikini. Don’t get me wrong, I still think about those things, but I stress a bit less about them now because I feel proud of how my body has shifted. I feel stronger. I carried life — a life that is thriving. Add to that the way my husband now checks me out from across a room and, well, I know he wants all parts of this thicker me even more than he did before.
But I do often feel like the chase for that thinner and tighter me is still on.
I’ve made strides to lose weight by watching what I eat, keeping track of my calorie intake with things like the MyFitnessPal app, and intensifying my workouts (hello spin and Bar Method classes!). And though I may have dropped a few pounds, I have remained – healthily! — between a size 12 and 14. As a mom who is almost 40, it’s just the size I am now. (And honey, let’s not overlook how that bod changes with age. I mean, unless you’re J.Lo.)
My next wave of emotions has been to embrace this body, accept it, and feel as good as I can in it.
But feeling good about myself is a daily battle. Some days I want to travel to a nude beach and strut. Other times I want to drape myself in a flowy black ensemble. (Like seriously, wear a cape or something!) My Instagram description reads, “Writer, Producer, Mom, Wife, Thick [expletive].” When I wrote that, I was feeling myself. But I don’t always. When I need a little help appreciating my full-figured, bad-ass mom fabulousness, this is what I do to give myself a boost:
I look at plus-size models on Instagram.
Hello to the goddesses that are Ashley Graham, Saffi, Paloma Elsesser, Stefania, Tanesha Awasthi (aka Girl With Curves), Molly Constable, Iskra, Diana V … to name a few. One of my big challenges, when it comes to my mom bod, is figuring out what looks best on me. For style inspo, I check out how these lovely ladies dress and take note of their street style, formal wear, and everything in between.
I watch Beyoncé’s ‘Homecoming’ on Netflix.
The first time I watched Beyoncé's 2018 Coachella performance, I felt proud to be a lot of things: Black, a mother, thick, strong. No one can say they haven’t noticed how Bey’s body changed after she had kids. She’s noticeably thicker, and she flaunts that figure and continues to kill it as an entertainer. It’s basically impossible to watch her work hard during her performances and not feel empowered.
I work on my fitness.
It’s just a fact that when I work out, I feel better. I have more energy, and my booty lifts a little bit. Wink! One of my best friends used to say that he knew when I’d been working out because I dressed sexier. (Go figure!) Since we’ve been on lockdown, I’ve joined the Peloton wave. (But it must be noted that I downloaded the Peloton app and bought a $400 stationary bike instead of splurging on the $2,000 one!)
I watch old movies.
Hello TCM! Old films, mainly from the '40s, '50s, and early '60s featured women like Marilyn Monroe and Sophia Loren, who had hourglass figures. The actress's tiny waists were accentuated, and their hips were highlighted. I always feel great about myself and about being a full-figured woman when I see old movies. Praise wide belts and high-waist everything!
It may take a bit more work to feel like I'm my best self these days, but I'm coming into my new phase of adulthood with an open mind and learning to love the skin I'm in, in the process.
