Being an adult is hard sometimes, and there are unwritten rules we have to follow for sensitivity and in certain situations. One of those is when someone experiences the death of a family member. It's pretty certain all of us will experience this at some point in our life, but the death of a child or a baby can be especially challenging, and it requires a level of sensitivity from those around the parents.
One family recently suffered a great loss when a very loved baby was stillborn, which ultimately led to a rift in the family.
A woman took to Reddit's AITA community to get advice after being caught in the middle of an argument between her husband and her family. She (OP) started her thread with some background.
"So, what happened has caused a huge conflict and most of my family members has pretty much cut contact with me," she wrote. "My sister had a stillbirth last week, it was so devastating for her and her husband as they had so much hope with having this baby after having miscarried in the past."
It's a devastating event to happen, and it's no surprise to hear her sister spent several days at home exhausted and depressed.
"I called her to check on her but she kept the conversation short, my mom was very concerned and decided to invite her and her husband for dinner on Sunday to get her to feel better and also since the family wanted to see my sister and support her so mom thought having a family dinner was a good idea."
As a side note, OP said she found out some good news for herself and her husband recently.
"On Thursday I found out I was pregnant but I didn't tell anyone thinking the time wasn't right," OP said, "so only me and my husband knew about it."
They arrived at the family's house and her husband didn’t realize the whole family would be there. "I sat with my sister before dinner, she looked like a mess we cried together and I absolutely felt her sorrow and how she was struggling with her loss," OP wrote.
And then things went sideways.
"After that we all started having dinner, while everyone was talking casually, my husband called for everyone's attention," OP shared. Her husband "said he wanted to take a minute to announce that I was pregnant and that we found out this week."
That likely was not the best thing for him to do, given it was the first time the family was together after the loss of a baby.
"I was shocked, speechless everyone started congratulating me while my sister got up and literally walked outside," OP said. "Her husband followed her, my parents were the only ones who didn't move they just stared at me and my husband disgusted. A few minutes later her husband got back inside to get her bag and they left."
The mood changed immediately as the family reacted to the insensitivity OP's husband just showed.
"Things got quiet, my aunt, cousin and her family started leaving," OP wrote. "I wanted to leave but my dad told us to stay cause he wanted to talk to my husband, I knew there was gonna be a s–tshow since my husband had a history with them."
Sure enough, some drama followed.
"My father lost it he yelled at my husband and called what he did insensitive and inappropriate, my husband wanted me to defend him but I just sat there while my dad was raising his voice for being disrespectful and inconsiderate and a jerk," OP wrote.
Her husband brought up old issues between them and accused OP's father of "playing favorites" and "because of this they will never see his kid."
According to OP, she and her husband were kicked out of the house — and when they got home, her husband was not happy with her. "We got home my husband blew up on me for not defending him but I yelled at him that what he did was very wrong and that my sister will most likely never talk to me again," she wrote.
"Thinking I was behind this, we argued for few minutes. And he told me to f— off and slammed the door, to go be with his buddies after I told him to fix his anger issues," OP explained.
According to OP, she had asked her husband to not tell anyone about the pregnancy, "but he thought since the whole family was there that this was a perfect time."
"He completely disregarded everyone's feelings," she wrote. "I know he's my husband but they're my family and they were hurt, my dad was hurt."
The wife wanted to know if she was in the wrong because she didn't stand up for her husband, and Reddit had some thoughts.
"Honestly your husband sounds incredibly insensitive and ignorant," one person wrote. "If he doesn't see that he majorly f–ked up then you need to have a talk."
"NTA why are you with this dude?" another person asked. "Who is so ridiculously selfish and self centered to announce that WITHOUT YOUR CONSENT while your sister is grieving?! And then to expect you to defend him?! Try to talk to your sister and tell her you weren’t behind this and you’re mad at your husband for doing it. This behavior from your husband is honestly disgusting."
"Obviously NTA," another Reddit user agreed. "Do you really want to raise a child with this kind of man? Whatever issues he might have with your family, there is no excuse for purposefully hurting your sister while she's reeling from a stillbirth. Is your husband trying to isolate you from your own family?"
The person continued: "The whole thing is just dysfunctional, and your husband comes across as tactless, unfeeling and an a–hole, in general. Proceed with caution when it comes to your life together with this man."
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