I’m 16 Weeks Postpartum & My Husband Is Passive Aggressively Pressuring Me To Lose Weight

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As a society, we don’t talk enough about the demands of the postpartum period. Your hormones are still all over the place. A new human being relies on you for their entire survival. You have to adjust to the new person you’re becoming. During all of this emotional and psychological upheaval, the last thing on your mind should be living up to someone else’s standard for your body. Sadly, that’s what one new mom encountered when her husband tried to rush her to lose weight after giving birth.

The OP gained 40 pounds during her pregnancy.

Recently, the mother of a 16-week old daughter wrote in to Reddit to inquire about an issue she was having with her husband. The new mom, a 24-year-old, explained that she was active before her pregnancy but not as active as her 33-year-old husband, who is a fitness enthusiast.

“I only ran maybe twice a week and had a Pilates class every Sunday,” she explained. “I weighed 120 lbs before pregnancy.” During her pregnancy, the OP gained 40 pounds. She lost 20 almost immediately after birth with the placenta, fluid, and the baby herself. She’s still working on the last 20 pounds. But she’s not in a rush. 

She’s not worried about her body.

“While my body looks different I don’t really care as I am just glad my baby is so healthy and perfect,” the OP wrote. “However my husband started mentioning my weight at 2 weeks post partum, literally.” She explained that at first he tried to frame comments about her weight like they were compliments.

“Oh you look so good, you look like a mommy now,” he said. Or “I wouldn’t guess it was a whole 20 lbs, maybe just 10 or so.” Initially, the OP just rolled her eyes, dismissing the comments. She said they came about twice a week so they were easy to forget. Besides, her doctor told her to avoid strenuous activity until she was 12 weeks postpartum. 

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The second she reached 12 weeks, her husband started asking her to come to the gym with him all the time. “He was badgering me almost. I did it to make him happy and he certainly was happy. I will admit it felt good to have some time to myself, and I didn’t mind going at all. But now it’s been another 4 weeks since then and I haven’t lost any weight but like 2.5 lbs,” she shared.

Her husband is blaming her “lack of progress” on her snacking. She reminded him that she needs to eat more because she’s breastfeeding. Instead of understanding and empathy, it started an argument. “He told me that I should go back to Pilates to ‘tighten’ my tummy again. I told him I’d rather die than do that right now tbh. He told me ‘fine then at least try harder.’ I told him I am trying my absolute fucking hardest and “you don’t just magically lose weight in the gym.”

‘Your husband needs to learn something,’ one Reddit user said.

The OP’s husband disagreed with her. He said that while he loves her and her body for carrying their baby, he still wants her to take care of herself for her health. The OP wrote that while she understands the sentiment, she doesn’t think working out should be the center of her wellness right now.

She asked the Reddit community if she was being the a–hole. Naturally, the Redditors were able to recognize the OP’s husband as the true jerk here. 

“Your husband needs to sit down, learn some stuff and stop being such a pig,” one user wrote. Before making a point about what kind of parents the OP and her husband will be. “You have a daughter. You need to snap him out of this or think seriously about leaving in the future, because you do not want him to start on your daughter. This is how eating disorders and other similar problems start.”

Others called BS on her husband being concerned about her health, saying that his true worries are her appearance. They also pointed out the nearly 10-year age gap in their relationship.

“A woman his own age wouldn’t put up with this bullshit objectification,” another Redditor wrote. “…and neither should you.”

We couldn’t agree more.