I saw a post on my ex-friend’s feed the other day. She looked lovely and vibrant. She was smiling next to a handsome man. The ocean was in the background and I got a twinge of nostalgia.
She and I used to meet for lunch and browse stores. We’d call each other on the nights we didn’t have kids — sometimes getting together for nachos and sometimes simply talking for hours.
She was my divorced mom friend. The one who showed me how to swipe on the dating apps and gave me the dirt on some of my old high school friends I hadn’t seen in a while.
We'd trade fashion and sex advice
Then, it happened again
And again.
I met a man and fell for him fast. She was there to listen for a few minutes before quickly changing the subject to her — she was miserable, lonely, didn’t have any money and was having a really hard time.
I stopped talking about myself and was there for her whenever I could be.
But again, she was asking for too much of me. My phone would blow up. She’d call me at 7 a.m. crying about something on the regular.
I became quiet, not really knowing how to handle the situation and decided I needed to talk to her again. I explained I was so busy with my kids, work, and my new relationship, I simply couldn’t be her sounding board as much as she wanted me to. Then, I brought up the fact she never came to see me or even wanted to hear what was going on in my life.
She blew up a bit and told me I was just too focused on my relationship and she felt as though I was dumping her.
That was two years ago and we have not talked since
I always thought I’d let her cool off before I reached out, but the truth is, I didn’t miss her. In fact, I felt a lot more calm and peaceful after we stopped talking and wondered why I had continued the friendship as long as I had.
I guess I kept thinking things would change and go back to the way they were when we first met and bonded over the fact we were both in a place in our lives we never thought we’d be — single with kids and making a life on our own.
Looking at her seemingly happy photo, I did miss her. I missed our chats, I missed the nachos, I missed asking her what I should wear on my date.
But you can miss someone and not want them in your life anymore. You can miss someone and know the gap they left will be filled by something that feels healthier.
Yes, I miss her, but do I regret that I ended our friendship?
I don’t.
There are people who are meant to be in our lives but that doesn’t mean they have a permanent place there. She is one of those people for me and I can appreciate the time we had together without wanting the friendship back.
