It’s not always easy to keep things spicy in your marriage after kids come along, but one couple is really blushing after a “saucy video” ended up in the hands of their 6-year-old daughter.
Now the wife has written into the Care and Feeding advice column looking for a little help. “I am mortified and feel like the worst parent,” the wife wrote.
As the letter writer explained, she and her husband have a “healthy sex life.”
The two often send “videos” of themselves to each other, but recently the LW made a mistake that’s caused her a lot of embarrassment.
“Well, we got the kids an iPad, and while setting it up, I didn’t realize that it synchronized the pictures and videos from my phone to the iPad,” she wrote. “My 6-year-old daughter watched a video of me using ‘toys.’”
The mom was horrified and was having a hard time facing her daughter post-video.
“I haven’t talked to my daughter about this yet because I’ve been trying to process it and find the right words,” she explained. “Help me!”
Some people shamed the mom for taking the video in the first place.
"Rarely does a letter here make me laugh out loud," wrote one commenter. "Seriously. If you don't want anyone else to ever see a picture/video of you in a compromising position, don't take pictures of yourself in a compromising position."
"Another reason to never sext," someone else agreed. "Somehow we olds got along without it and had healthy freaky sex lives."
While a third commenter made a pretty wild accusation: "LW1 just showed her kid homemade porn. I'm not so sure it was accidental."
And some people thought there was definitely a chance that her daughter will end up unscathed.
"I wouldn't say anything to the six-year-old unless she specifically asks," one commenter advised. "Play it cool, and like as not she will forget all about it. Re-load her device with cartoons or sumthin. It won' be a big deal unless you make it a big deal. Also, learn how to use the tech better."
"Your kid may not be traumatized, but she'll never forget, either," someone else wrote.
"I'd just tell her it was private and something that adults do sometimes, then leave it at that," someone else commented. "I definitely wouldn't emphasize that it's totally ok for adults to share videos like this because I don't think these sorts of videos are a good idea, even within a relationship, so don't want to send that message to a kid."
Columnist Jamilah Lemieux thought there was a way to salvage this situation.
Despite all the pearl-clutching from the comments section, Lemieux assured the LW that she could tell her daughter that "there are things that adults do that are just for adults, and that, unfortunately, she saw a video of one of those things."
She advised the LW to assure her daughter that what she saw wasn't dirty or shameful, but that it was a video meant for her father only.
"Share that there are activities that a mommy and daddy, or two other adults who like each other, can participate in to express how much they care about one another, and that those activities are private and, again, for adults only," she wrote. "Apologize to her for her having to see something that may have made her feel confused or uncomfortable, reiterate that what was happening in the video was completely normal for adults to share with adults, and be more careful with your settings in the future."
Lemieux told the mom that there was no reason to "destroy" herself over what was really just an unfortunate mistake.
"You aren’t the worst parent, and your child isn’t going to be permanently traumatized by this," she wrote. "Kids have been walking in on much worse for a long time."
It might even be a good way for the LW to start having age-appropriate conversations about bodies with her daughter. But even if the LW isn't ready to go down that road, Lemieux emphasized that she really needed to give herself a break.
"Forgive yourself, please!"
