When it comes to teens and clean rooms, the struggle is real. Sure, parents have to pick their battles. Having a perfect and pristine bedroom may be unrealistic for your family, but being able to see the floor isn't too much to ask, is it? Some parents' expectations are higher than others, and it can cause big arguments to erupt.
A parent posted in Reddit's AITA forum to talk about their daughter's room and said it's pretty out of control. Well, at least her closet. The original poster was done with the whole situation and laid down the law: Clean the room or don't leave the house. This sounds reasonable, but the devil is in the details. OP's daughter missed a therapy appointment to tidy up the closet. Now OP asks, does that make them an a–hole?
The closet was a disaster.
Not unlike a lot of other teen girls, OP's 17-year-old daughter's closet is more of a dumping ground than a place to keep things organized. OP had asked the daughter to clean it up for weeks, repeatedly getting the old, "I'll do it later" response and then nothing ever happened. Shocker, OP kind of exploded.
"I had ENOUGH and told her she cannot go out with friends or her boyfriend until her closet is clean," OP wrote.
The teen's schedule was full.
OP made it clear that nothing else would happen until the room was clean. Work, therapy to treat anxiety and depression, and after-school activities, typically make for a busy week. OP's daughter had plans with her boyfriend the following weekend that she would have to miss to clean her room as well, but OP thought that would be a great motivator to tidy up.
Instead of missing out on time with her BF, OP's daughter bagged therapy. Her therapist told OP this was a mistake.
"Her therapist said I was wrong to do this because she needs her therapy and this was a 'dumb hill to die on' I told her she's been putting this off for weeks and won't listen and I don't know how else to get through to her. I refuse to live like slobs!" OP wrote.
OP claimed that they didn't tell their daughter to miss therapy, that was her choice. "I told her how she budgets her time is up to her, just get it done."
So, who is the a–hole?
She missed therapy to clean her closet?
Redditors couldn't believe that OP would allow that to happen. Mental health is so important, especially for teenagers. This seemed really irresponsible to a lot of people.
"Your job at this stage in her life is to GUIDE her to make good choices, but your NUMBER one concern should ALWAYS be her mental health," one commenter wrote. "I've read some stuff in my life and this one makes me sick. I feel sorry for your daughter."
Another person commented: "YTA. I've been in her shoes before. Working and school at the same time is overwhelming and exhausting, especially when you have mental health issues. She doesn't need punishment; she needs help."
"Therapy and her mental health should be priority," another comment reads. "Focus on her needs before your wants of a clean room. She'll get there on her own."
Mental health isn't a choice.
Redditors weren't buying OP's excuse that the daughter chose to cancel therapy. Is that really a thing? Did they think a kid would choose therapy over a fun day with her boyfriend? That seemed pretty silly to some people.
"Of course a kid is going to choose a fun trip over a therapy appointment — heck, I'd probably make the same choice as an adult," a Redditor wrote. "That doesn't mean that it's in the kid's best interest."
"'I didn't cancel it, she did' is an excuse," someone else pointed out. "You left her two options: 1) Miss therapy or 2) Miss boyfriend. Obvious which a teenager is going to choose. The fact that you couldn't convince you're daughter to clean her closet for weeks before that doesn't change situation your put her in, it just means you should reconsider your parenting strategy."
"Therapist here — YTA," an expert chimed in. "We deal with this a lot from parents and it is really disheartening. I understand why my clients cancel in situations like this, but it affects the rapport and frame of therapy, and the safety of it for clients when this type of things happens — especially chronically. Your daughter's therapy should be considered like any healthcare appointment, not negotiable if it is benefiting her. To put her in a position to choose was unfair and negates the importance of her mental health and treatment."
OP: You need to worry about a lot more than clean closets.
Sorry, OP, but you blew this one. Redditors want you to understand that mental health is so much more important than a messy closet, and making your child cancel an appointment so that you don't have to look at her mess is selfish and wrong.
Redditors want you to sit down and look at your priorities and what is truly important in life. Is it a happy and healthy child or an organized closet? Redditors feel like this one should be pretty obvious.
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