Most parents strive to give their children better lives than they had growing up. Simple comparisons are a bigger house and better cars. Some children want to get more education than their parents had, which amounts to better jobs and more income for their households.
But, at what cost?
Deep down, I honestly feel like Iām failing my children.
Adolescent fantasies of professional success have transitioned into adulthood worries of personal shortcomings. My children have had their own bedrooms since birth. It took me 15 years to find such freedom. They all have smartphones, and I didnāt get my first phone until college. I vividly remember getting stranded on the highway during high school and having to walk miles in the rain to the nearest gas station to use the pay phone. I figured becoming a first-generation student and graduate would provide better resources. It has! But I also carry the constant weight of feeling like a parental failure. I really believe my kids have it too easy.
I remember walking miles with my mother to catch the public bus.
Once we got a car, I remember hiding it on multiple occasions so the repo man couldnāt find it. My children donāt even know what a repo man is. Our upbringings are so vastly different, but I feel my challenging childhood helped shaped my successes. My children havenāt had to fight through anything and Iām shouldering the blame.
I didnāt want low-income housing for my children.
I didnāt want dead-end jobs that kept us living check to check. I donāt recall a single sit-down restaurant during my first 18 years living with my parents. We grabbed McDonald's a couple times a year, maybe some Chinese food. We never ordered pizza. My kids want to order Door Dash twice a week. And when they donāt want an item, they think each kid should be able to eat what he or she wants. Theyāre spoiled rotten and it must be my fault.
I grew up cutting my own grass as well as other yards in my neighborhood.
But once I moved into a gated community, I hired a lawn company. I recently let them go because I felt my teenage sons would graduate high school not knowing how to take care of their own yards. Iāve given them hair cutting clippers in hopes of teaching them how to cut their own hair. I want them to be self-sufficient.
The separation is in the preparation.
So Iām trying to prepare them for future success. So now, I often allow them to āfail.ā I donāt call their teachers or coaches to complain. I try to make them problem-solve and troubleshoot. I donāt want my children to live my reality, but I firmly believe adversity builds character. My children donāt face any real adversity in their lives, and in those ways I think my successes can be a disservice to them. Hereās to hoping my āadversity meddlingā helps even it out for them.
