Consent is such a heavy and loaded concept for adults. We know how serious the ramifications can be in the real world. When we begin explaining this idea to children, however, it doesn’t have to be heavy or something that leaves parents filled with dread. It starts with teaching very young children that they don’t have to allow anyone access to their bodies if they don’t want to.
That includes kisses, hugs and even the tradition of sitting on Santa’s lap. A video illustrating just that recently went viral for all the right reasons.
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This Miami-based Santa understood the assignment.
Earlier this month, Katie Love took her 3-year-old daughter, Adley, to get photos with Santa at a Ritz Carlton in Miami, Today.com reported. This particular Santa understood the assignment.
When he asked Adley if she wanted to sit on his lap, she responded firmly, “No.” Instead of trying to force her into climbing on his lap and taking the picture, Santa praised Adley for setting boundaries.
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Mom was thrilled with his response.
Katie was so impressed by Santa’s response that she asked him to repeat himself so she could record it.
In the video that made it to TikTok, Santa said, “This is her body and she’s in control of her body. I asked her if she wanted to sit on my lap. She said 'No.' And I said, ‘Way to stand up for yourself.’ You can't let even Santa Claus — if Santa Claus says, 'Do you want to sit on my lap?'— if you don't want to, you say, 'No!'"
Santa's message was familiar to Adley.
His message was one Katie and her husband Aaron Martin, have been trying to instill at home. They’ve taught Adley that she never has to accept a hug or kiss from anyone, not even her parents.
“Adley knows it’s always her choice and she can give a high-five instead,” she said, per Today.com. “We don’t pressure her to have any kind of unwanted touch. When we were growing up, we were told, ‘Be polite. Sit on your weird uncle’s lap,’ and I don’t want that for my daughter.”
This Santa was happy to learn he was going viral and why.
Steve Lantz, the Santa that day, is also a Presbyterian minister who goes by the nickname, "The Rev Santa." Lantz got choked up learning that he had gone viral for such a positive reason.
“My wife and I have a 6-year-old daughter and a 10-year-old son, and we started teaching them at a very early age that they are in control of their bodies,” the father of two told Today.com. “There are times I will ask my daughter, ‘Do you want a hug?’ And if she says ‘No,’ I honor that. I don’t push. I never ask twice.”
Even grown-ups were happy to witness this moment.
The TikTok was healing for the inner children of many adults who happened to see the video.
“I just cried,” one user wrote. “As a child who was uncomfortable w/ touch and fam who pushed me, this is so good to hear.”
Others suggested that the Santa lap thing is played out. For instance, one user noted that malls are increasingly allowing children to stand next to Santa instead of sitting in his lap. With children, it’s always better to start with a little and let them do more if they’re comfortable.
We love the example this Santa and these parents are setting. Little Adley might not understand the full scope of what she’s experiencing right now, but we know as she gets older, she’ll appreciate the adults advocated for her in this way.
