‘She Gets To Say No at Any Time’: Girl’s Ear-Piercing Story Turns Into a Lesson on Consent

@Kimberly.Corban/TikTok

Tarana Burke’s #MeToo movement taught us so many things. It shed a light on the rampant sexual assault and abuse in numerous industries. It exposed the ways in which society accepts and perpetuates rape culture. And it also demonstrated the ways in which so many people were confused about the true nature of consent.

Far more than “no means no,” consent is about bodily autonomy. And it’s something we can model and practice with our children from the time they are young. Podcaster, public speaker, and sexual assault survivor Kimberly Corban shared one of these moments recently in a TikTok that has gone viral.

Corban said her daughter had been talking about getting her ears pierced for months.

The video is from Corban’s podcast. In it, she discusses a family trip to Chicago. Corban shared that her then 6-year-old daughter was especially looking forward to the trip for one reason and one reason only: She wanted to get her ears pierced.

“And not just get her ears pierced,” Corban said. “She wanted to get her ears pierced at the American Girl doll store.”

But when it was time for the piercing, Corban noticed her daughter's behavior changed.

Corban said that she always knew that any type of piercing her daughter got would be something that she chose. And because her little girl had been talking about this event for months, she was certain that she was ready for the piercing.

They got to the store, took the escalator up to the ear piercing section, and Corban’s daughter picked out the earrings she wanted. Her parents paid for the piercing. But as they were waiting for the employee to come over to do the piercing, Corban noticed a shift in her daughter’s energy.

The little girl told her parents she was nervous.

@kimberly.corban Lets talk about active, ongoing consent. #earpiercing #parentingtips ♬ original sound - Kimberly Corban

“She’s sitting in Mike’s lap in the chair. And you just kind of see her stare off and start to check out,” Corban said. “And she’s usually really talking a lot and bubbly and excited. And she wasn’t.”

Corban asked her daughter if she was OK and still wanted to go through with it. Corban’s daughter said, “I’m just really nervous.” Corban assured her that nerves were OK.

She asked her what questions did she have — what did she need from her parents. The little girl said, “I don’t know. I don’t know if I want to do it now.”

Corban and her husband told the girl, 'You can say no at any time.'

Corban and Mike assured her, “You can say no at any time.” The girl, still concerned said, “But you already paid.” Corban told her, “It doesn’t matter. I will crumple this paper up right now and get rid of it.”

Then Corban recalled Mike saying one of the best things she’s ever heard. “You know what?” He said, “It’s really brave to get your ears pierced. But it’s also really brave to say you don’t want to get your ears pierced.”

Corban said the whole thing was a lesson her daughter can call upon for the rest of her life.

The girl’s eyes filled with tears. The family walked out of the ear piercing section. Corban noticed an adrenaline letdown in her daughter as she returned to her normal, bubbly self as they continued exploring the American Girl store.

Corban concluded the story with this takeaway. “She gets to say no at any time … If you put that power of making that choice in their hands, it’s going to matter a whole helluva lot more when they’re older and when it’s potentially dangerous to their bodies.”

Corban said the moment was “such a win” in her book and that she’s been so proud of her daughter for speaking up for herself.