One of the most exciting times in life is trying to grow your family and the moment you get to take a pregnancy test to find out if you're expecting. Sometimes this moment comes with intense fear, and other times it's shaking with excitement and a lot of emotions in between. It's exciting for the potential parents-to-be and for their extended family.
One husband knew that his mother-in-law was exited at the potential of becoming a grandparent, but he didn't realize the extent of her involvement until he had to put his foot down in the name of some space and privacy.
A man (OP) took to Reddit to get some advice on a situation he's found himself in with his MIL.
Posting in Reddit's AITA community, the OP found himself in a conundrum with his mother-in-law. He started his post with some history for context. "For quick background, my MIL is an extremely needy person," he wrote.
"She feels that she needs to be involved in everything my wife and I do. It has gotten to the point that we make up stories or lie about things we do because we know it will upset her that she wasn’t invited. It usually ends with her storming out while throwing a fit."
He shared that he and his wife have made a big decision about their life.
"Recently, my wife and I have been trying for our first child," the OP wrote. "We made the mistake of mentioning it to my MIL."
He realized the mistake pretty quickly, because MIL pushed further. "Upon finding out, she attempted to pressure my wife into taking a pregnancy test so the three of us could find out together," the OP posted.
The OP doesn't think his MIL should be involved here at all.
"I firmly believe this moment should remain intimate between my wife and I, so I tried to explain that to my MIL," he said. "She argued that her being there wasn’t a big deal and that I was being selfish. The conversation ended with me telling her [she] can’t be here."
The man added some details after posting to give more background on the situation.
"My wife is of Middle Eastern descent, so culturally she has a hard time saying no to her mom, and has expressed that I should be the one being firm with her," he explained. "This usually causes a larger argument, and in which she will go weeks without talking to us until we reach out, because she never feels that she is in the wrong."
His father-in-law is not in the picture, and he understands that MIL is excited.
"Some comments mentioned that I did not mention a FIL, which is because he passed away 5 years ago before I met my wife. I understand her excitement for a grandchild, but this is just one of many situations where she believes she should have control," he wrote.
"She raised her three children (all in their early 30s) to be very dependent on her. My wife is the only one not still living with at home with her. She frequently tries to display complete control over her kids, and now me. The only difference is, I’m the only one who will stand up to her. As mentioned previously, this will lead to her throwing a fit, getting angry, crying, and ruining whatever the occasion is."
He asked the Reddit community if he was wrong in this situation, and commenters had some words for him.
"NTA," one person wrote. "You and your wife are going to need to set some serious boundaries before your baby is born. This is a good first step!"
"NTA beware of the delivery," suggested someone in the comments. "She is going to want to be in the room."
A third person agreed with setting boundaries. "That is a private and intimate moment for the couple that is trying. If your wife had invited her to be a part of it, then that's different, but it seems like MIL just streamrolled through what you two want. Maybe she is trying to live vicariously through your wife or something."
Most people agreed the OP was not in the wrong, including another person who suggested this wasn't really his issue. "Its your wife's issue. Same with future doctor visits and the delivery room, if your wife wants her there, MIL should be there. If your wife doesn't want her there, then MIL isn't there."
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