Mom Says MIL Treats Her Adopted Boy Differently Than Her Bio-Kids & She’s Done

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As parents, we do our best to treat our kids equally. We meet each of them where they are developmentally and emotionally and tend to their unique needs. It's important to keep that same mentality for bio kids, any bonus children, and adopted or foster kids in our care.

One mom believes she needs to address her mother-in-law, who seemingly treats one of her children differently than her others. She took to Reddit to ask the community for their advice and to give some backstory on their situation.

Posting to Reddit's AITA, the mom shared some details on her family first.

"MY 7 year old is not biologically mine or my SO’s," she began her post. "I’ve raised him since he was one and met my SO when he was two."

The issue she's having that brought her to Reddit comes from her mother-in-law. "Although she always makes sure she buys all the grandchildren the same things I feel like she treats my child different than her bio grandkids," the mom admitted.

"To her, everything my child does is wrong and everything the other grandkids do is cute/funny even when they’re cussing or talking back, etc which my child never does."

Recently, she and her kids were at her MIL's house, and something happened that prompted the mom to reach out.

"So yesterday we are over her house and all the kids had a bag of candy," she explained. "The bio kids ate theirs pretty quickly but my kid went back and forth from eating it to playing. Well my MIL tells him that he had enough candy for the day and took it from him which I didn’t know until we were about to leave."

The mom explained that as they were getting set to leave her MIL's house, her child asked if he could get his candy to take home.

"I said yes of course. MIL sees him getting the candy and starts yelling at him that she told him he couldn’t have anymore," the mom shared. "I told her that I said he could get it and he wasn’t trying to eat it anyway."

Mom thinks that should have been the end of it — that her MIL should have apologized and let it go.

"Instead of just letting it go and admitting she was wrong she continues to yell that she told him not to do it," the mom recounted. "My SO gets upset and starts yelling and arguing with her about how she always treats our child different."

She reminded her MIL of an incident recently where she yelled at her son for forgetting his candy. "I pointed out that on Easter my child left his candy at her house and she yelled at him about how he needed to remember his stuff and when he tries to do that he stills gets in trouble."

The frustrated mom says that her son 'cannot win with her.'

"She then calls my child over (I’m assuming to apologize but noooo) and tells him HE can’t have candy at her house because HE always gets HER in trouble!" the mom wrote.

According to her, this isn't an isolated incident when it comes to this child and her MIL, that "little stuff like this has happened for years."

"She always says she doesn’t treat them differently because she buys them all the same things, but she is always playful with the other kids and stern with my child," the mom explained.

"They could all do the same things and my child will be the only one called out. Even though my SO agrees with me about this he always wants to make up with her right away and smooth things over but nothing gets solved."

The mom wants to just wait for her MIL to apologize, but her partner doesn't think that's the way to go.

"I on the other hand, feel like she doesn’t need to be around my child and we should all ignore her until she apologizes not just for what she did yesterday but acknowledges what she does in general and apologizes for how she treats him to HIM," she explained. "My SO feels like I’m being an a–hole for handling it that way and that it will make the situation worse and create more conflict but I’m just tired of it."

She asked the community about their thoughts on her situation, and forum users came through with some advice.

One person said OP isn't the jerk. "Quite candidly, I’m not sure what you think an apology is going to achieve. You’re exposing your kid to regular emotional abuse," the person wrote. "Your MiL mouthing an apology at him isn’t going to fix the situation. If your SO wants to spend time with his mother, that’s his choice, but I’m not seeing how being around this woman is healthy or worthwhile for you or your kid."

"NTA please stand up for your kid," another person urged. "They notice and they will remember. Maybe some distance from her isn't a bad idea."

One person says everyone sucks in this situation, writing, "MIL for obvious reasons, but you and your husband also for exposing your kid to this treatment all this time. You think it’s not going to do damage to him to be treated like this while watching his cousins be fawned over? Step up and make it clear that you don’t have a relationship with people who don’t treat their child properly and follow through if you don’t see improvement!"

Another person pointed out which person the parents should focus on. "Imo, your first priority is to protect your son. It isn't to protect your SO's relationship with his mother."