They say some friends only last a season. As we grow and change and enter different phases of our lives, some friends may fall off at different junctures. More than a few women who’ve entered motherhood can testify to this phenomenon. People who don’t have children often don’t understand the new demands and concerns of your life as a parent. People who do have children may have decided to raise their children differently.
For one mom, who simply did something as natural and necessary as breastfeeding her child at a wedding, it caused her to lose an entire friend group who thought she behaved inappropriately.
A friend sent a text with his complaints after the wedding.
Jessica Haizman is a self-described “crunchy mom” influencer who shares her life on Instagram. She wrote about the time she nursed her infant son at a wedding and lost her friends because they thought she showed too much skin. In a YouTube video, Jessica explained that one of her friends sent her a text message days after the event, informing her of the “infraction.” She shared a text from the friend which essentially accused her of making guests “uncomfortable.”
He said her ‘nipple was completely out.’
Jessica’s friend informed her that during her nursing session she “flashed” her nipple. She had “lifted her shirt up” and “unhooked her bra so her nipple was completely out,” he explained to Jessica’s husband. The friend said he brought this issue to their attention just in case Jessica wanted to “change her approach” to the way she feeds her children.
Later, Jessica shared a text message the friend sent to her specifically. “I have not asked you to accommodate,” he began. “But merely wanted you to know that people [were] feeling uncomfortable. I now know that you showing your body is important to you and you are unwilling to learn and grow to make nursing comfortable for everyone.”
Jessica questioned herself at first.
Initially, Jessica said she felt ashamed. “I kept questioning myself,” she explained. “I definitely got into my head and thought, ‘Did I do it, was I weird about it?'”
Eventually, she came to the conclusion that she didn’t do anything wrong and recognized that the problem rested on the friends. “That’s not the point,” she eventually realized. “Even if I chose to breastfeed that way, that’s not a problem.” Jessica said she was in a place that was supposed to be filled with her friends. If anything, they should have been supportive.
‘Feeding your baby is not a sexual act,’ she said.
Sadly, that wasn’t the case. “In the end of it, I lost not only this relationship I had with a friend, but a lot of other mutual friends scooted to his side,” Jessica explained. “I couldn’t even fathom it was a possibility. It’s crazy to me.”
Still, she is sure that she was not wrong in this situation. “I wanted it to be clear that under any circumstance feeding your baby is not a sexual act and is okay in any situation. It’s almost the most natural thing you can possibly think of,” she continued.
‘You’re not doing anything wrong at all,’ Jessica shared with other nursing mothers.
Jessica decided to share this story as encouragement to other women who may have faced criticism for feeding their children. In fact, when she first experienced this, it was other women online who let her know that she was doing what she was supposed to as a mother.
“Be the exposure and be the person who makes an influence on another mum,” Jessica said. “Remind yourself that it’s okay and natural and beautiful and you’re not doing anything wrong at all.”
