One morning, a mom simply wanted to go out and get coffee and a snack with her 3-year-old daughter. What should have been a simple outing, however, quickly turned into an uncomfortable encounter. TikTok content creator Taylor Collier’s daughter has a disability and uses a walker to get around.
Noticing her walker, a stranger said he wanted to give the toddler a Christmas gift. Although he might’ve had good intentions, the way he acted offended the mom.
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'What's wrong with her?' the man asked.
In a video shared on TikTok, the mom explained that the man, who was washing windows, noticed her and her daughter as they were leaving the coffee shop. He first asked Taylor how old her daughter was. She answered and tried to walk away. He prefaced his next question with, “Well, if you don’t mind me asking …”
To Taylor, this was “an immediate red flag” because she was “just trying to get coffee” with her daughter. He then asked the mom what was wrong with her daughter.
Taylor didn't know how to explain that there's nothing wrong with her.
Taylor explained that she wanted to tell the man that there’s nothing wrong with her daughter. “She was born with spina bifida. There’s nothing wrong with her,” she emphasized. She also knew, however, that explaining this to the man probably wouldn’t “change his mindset.”
She decided to politely tell the man that her daughter has spina bifida. The man’s reaction surprised her. “He just like puts his head down and turns around and walks away,” she said. “I’m like, ‘That’s the weirdest interaction I’ve ever had in my entire life.'”
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She put her daughter in the car, but the man came back.
When the man returned, he said, “Can I give her a Christmas gift?”
Taylor declined. “I said, ‘She’s fine. She has a lot of Christmas presents,'” the mom explained.
In spite of this, the stranger insisted and said, “God told me to.” He tried to give Taylor $20.
I tried telling him, ‘We don’t need your money, like thank you, I appreciate it, I understand what you’re trying to do,'” Taylor explained. “But he would not take no for an answer.”
Because the whole ordeal was “kind of becoming a scene,” Taylor eventually took the money but was left feeling extremely hurt.
She said the man tried to give them money because of his 'internalized ableism.'
In her video, the mom explained that her family didn’t need pity or money from strangers. “(My daughter) is so happy. She’s healthy. She’s fine. Like yeah, we’ve got our issues, but who doesn’t?” she shared.
Emphasizing how “crazy” it is to give someone $20 because they have a visible disability, the mom asked people if they would give someone money because they needed to wear glasses.
Though the man said God told him to give her the money, she doesn’t believe that’s what was going on. “God didn’t tell you to do that. That’s your internalized ableism telling you to do that because you think there’s something wrong with her,” she explained in the clip.
The mom was glad her daughter couldn't understand what happened.
Luckily, because her daughter is a toddler, she didn’t understand what was happening. For that, the mom was thankful. Explaining that a man wanted to give her money because of her disability could be incredibly hurtful: “How do I explain to her, ‘That man feels sorry for you so he gave you $20?'” Taylor wondered aloud.
At the end of the day, the stranger offered to give them money to make himself feel better, Taylor concluded. “If you ever see anybody out there just don’t speak. Don’t tell them you’re praying for them. Don’t tell them that God wants you to do something for them,” she advised. “Just don’t do that. If you want to do anything, just say hi and wave. [Say] ‘I like your shoes. I like your sweater.'”
The man might’ve thought he was helping the family, but he actually made them feel worse. “Don’t act like it’s the worst thing you’ve ever heard and you feel so bad for them and then you need to give them money,” Taylor said. “You’re making yourself feel better. I promise you that you’re not helping that person.”
Some TikTokers have had similar experiences.
Taylor is not alone in feeling this way. Many TikTok users assured the mom that her feelings about what happened were totally valid, and others said they’ve also had uncomfortable interactions like this one.
One person shared that their son is autistic and nonverbal. Their family often gets comments like, “I’m so sorry, we’re praying for him. He’ll get better as he gets older.” “I’m a Christian but wow that one hurts because he’s healthy & the happiest little boy in the world,” the person wrote.
Another person who has spina bifida commented, writing, “I’m in a wheelchair and it’s infuriating when someone asks what’s wrong with you and I don’t need anyone to pray for me.”
“The worst for me was when friends would say ‘I don’t know how you do it,'” someone else wrote.
People also praised the mom for how she stood up for her daughter. “Nothing is wrong with your girl,” one person assured Taylor. “I am sure she’s just as amazing as her mom.”
