Just about everyone knows that having a baby can completely change your life in ways that you’re never prepared for. Whether it’s trying to adapt to a new sleep schedule or figure out how your baby will get enough sustenance throughout the day, it can all seem like an abundance of trial and error that can stress out a lot of new parents. Speaking of stress, one worried mom took to Reddit to get some advice about some recent words she’s had with her partner after they’ve been going through a difficult period with their 7-month-old.
To put it mildly, he expressed that he’s been feeling some regret when it comes to the birth of their son. Yes, you read that correctly. And she has absolutely no idea how to talk to him about this because it all seems so heartbreaking. Can’t say we really blame her for feeling that way.
Those first few years can be really tough, but how would you react if your partner told you they regretted having a baby?
Allow us to set the scene. This Reddit dilemma was shared by a worried mother who has been with her partner for almost eight years. They’ve been engaged for about a year and they share a 7-month-old baby boy that the mom is absolutely crazy about. She even went on to share that she “wouldn’t change him for the world.” His father, though, has had quite a different experience.
The mom noted that the baby has had a “pretty rough time so far” because of colic and multiple food allergies. She explained in her post that he whines and cries pretty consistently and prefers to be held most of the time.
That could be a lot for any new parent.
When the topic came up between them about what he would do if she died while they were raising their son, her partner told her that he would put him up for adoption. He even went on to divulge that “if there was one word to describe my feelings toward him it would be regret.”
Yikes.
The concerned mom told the forum that this “broke [her] heart,” and it’s something that has stayed on her mind for a long time. She asked for some advice on what you might say to someone in a similar scenario because she’s not really sure if these are normal feelings or something she’s blowing out of proportion.
Is it normal or entirely worrisome to feel so completely at odds with your partner and their unhappy thoughts surrounding your baby?
The mom in this Reddit thread explained that her partner is “not a bad father,” but she always pictured herself raising a family with someone who really enjoyed being a father. That seems like a completely reasonable thing for any parent to hope for.
When she looks at her son now, her “heart breaks for him” because his father thinks such heartbreaking thoughts. How would you try and move forward?
One individual in the comments was empathetic to what this dad is feeling, writing that it’s “kind of worrisome but the newborn stage is the hardest” and would even go as far to say that “most parents start to question their life decisions during that time.”
For any parent who has been through the newborn stage and experienced hardships along the way, this seems like a very true statement.
Another mom admitted that when her baby was really little, she was “crying so much” and asking her husband “Why did we do this???”
This certainly establishes that it’s not just dads who experience a sense of regret, even if it may be fleeting.
Some redditors suggested that the dad could be working through some feelings of depression himself.
Parenthood is all about experiencing ebbs and flows when it comes to emotions, and when you’re going through a tough transition period, you might just feel like you’re drowning.
One person in this Reddit thread wondered if this dad “really means” what he said or “is he possibly dealing with some depression himself?” The commenter explained that “having a harder baby can really mess with your mind” but personally wouldn’t have more kids with this person or get married until he works out his feelings surrounding kids.
Another commenter admitted they would feel “devastated hearing what he told [her],” and it’s best to be cautious moving forward. The person also pointed out that these statements weren’t said in the heat of the moment or “frustrated things he blurted out at 3 a.m.” They were just answers to a routine question that lots of parents ask each other.
Keeping that in mind, it’s probably best to discuss looking into getting the new dad some professional help or even getting some counseling together to hopefully work through some of those more tender feelings around parenthood. Hopefully they can come to a more joyous place together.
