Even though society often expects it, not all women want to be mothers or take care of children full time. Many work extremely hard for their careers and find the most fulfillment in taking on responsibilities outside the home. There is absolutely nothing wrong with being a career woman, a mom, or a combination of the two. We live in a world where women can be whatever they want, which feels pretty darn good.
When people enter a relationship that turns into a marriage, it is extremely important that they convey their career and personal goals to each other and that there is respect and understanding about what those are from the very beginning.
A woman posted about her marriage and new baby in Reddit's AITA forum, sharing that she is feeling overwhelmed and disappointed. She's a physician who never wanted a child of her own but became pregnant, and her husband assured her he would care for their child so she could work. Now that the baby is here, though, he's changed his mind, and she feels trapped. She snapped at him and now feels like a jerk.
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This mom worked very hard for her career.
The original poster explained she struggled as a kid in school but changed her life and is now, at 36, a successful neurologist who loves her patients and her job. She thought she and her husband had an understanding that they would foster and adopt and not have biological children, but he changed his mind.
OP explained it this way. "After his best friend had a baby boy last year, he began to really press me on having children. I was initially very against this idea because I was just beginning my career, I wanted to wait a few more years before revisiting the topic of children. In August of last year I found out I was unexpectedly pregnant due to a condom breaking during sex."
The couple talked it over and made the decision together.
Or so she thought. They decided he would stay home with the baby until she was old enough to go to preschool. OP doesn't want her child in a day care setting until she can "express herself verbally." Her husband seemed to be onboard to be a stay-at-home dad and allow OP to continue in her career, but once he was alone with the baby for a few days, he changed his mind.
"He expressed how trapped, alone and overwhelmed he felt all weekend. He now wants me to extend my maternity leave and is talking about trying to get his job back," she wrote. "This made me freak out, and I asked 'Well what will we do with our daughter now?!' He responded by suggesting I leave my practice and work from home. I said absolutely not, and he suggested daycare."
OP lost it and yelled, "If I knew you were going to back out of your promise to take care of our daughter, I would have NEVER had your child."
Who is the jerk in this situation?
Some believe that OP's husband was in the wrong.
Redditors believed that she'd made her wishes known and her husband was totally disregarding them.
"NTA – You expressed boundaries and rules, and he's crossed them. Stick to it your boundaries. If he's unwilling, consider how important that boundary is to you and how far you're willing to enforce it," one person wrote. "A child isn't something one can be so flippant over and 'I changed my mind' is unacceptable if he is the one that pushed for it in the first place. Also economically it makes no sense."
This person urged OP to stand her ground, commenting, "Don't give up your career. But if he can't cut it you might want to look into a nanny and include nanny cams if you're worried about safety. This would probably get me thinking about divorce to be honest."
Plenty of Redditors thought some deceit was going on.
They believe OP's husband was being dishonest from the beginning.
This person didn't buy the broken condom story. "I didn't even read past the BROKEN CONDOM story. OP, you can't truly believe that he didn't poke holes in his condoms regularly until his PLAN worked," the person wrote. "He talked you out of an abortion. Every single piece adds up to him baby trapping you. He's a dishonest POS!"
Someone else agreed, commenting, "NTA. The condom didn't break, he broke it. He was never ok with adopting. It surprises me that he went so far as to quit his job, honestly I was expecting him to go back on his word at nine months pregnant.
"Who insist on having a child, accepts being the stay at home parent then gives up after one weekend alone?" the person continued. "You can't trust him, sure as h— you can't give up your career and financial security for him."
On the other hand, at least one person thought OP was totally off base.
"YTA. Screaming? Screaming at the stay at home parent for saying he's having a hard time? If genders were reversed here, the YTA vote would be clear," the person wrote. "You are the one with the inflexible rules – your husband proposed multiple solutions which you are so busy saying no to that you can't treat him as an equal partner. You need therapy. (And no I'm not saying you need to stop work, but you have issues regarding child care and trust as well as issues in terms of your relationship)."
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This is a terrible situation.
Redditors think the couple needs to work through this tough time and think about their daughter.
This person laid it out nicely, writing, "You escalated very quickly. He freaked out, instead of getting therapy and getting to the root of the issues and working through them together, you lost your s— on him. We all have moments of weakness. But both of you are the a–holes for not discussing this like rational adults."
These stories are based on posts found on Reddit. Reddit is a user-generated social news aggregation, web content rating, and discussion website where registered members submit content to the site and can up- or down-vote the content. The accuracy and authenticity of each story cannot be confirmed by our staff.
